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My friends were excited to hear that their first child—a boy—was "really healthy" at their 12-week ultrasound.
Three days later, at the maternal-fetal medicine (MFM) specialist's, mom saw her son again, stretching and cute. The doctor saw something else: "Your baby has a condition called cystic hygroma. I'm really sorry."
Reeling and confused, she asked what her son's life would be like if he survived. After a long pause, the doctor answered, "We don't really have any data on that. Most people terminate at this point." No other support was offered.
On Friday, I will join tens of thousands of people for the March for Life—an annual event that's been held since 1974.
Many may wonder why a board-certified OB-GYN like me would support this event and this cause. Fundamentally, I believe that my patients deserve excellent health care and fully informed consent. When abortion is the default option for pregnancy complications, it brings dire unintended consequences and falls short of our oath to our patients: to strive for the best outcomes for their health.
In my friend's case, though she knew the doctors cared for her, she could tell that her choice not to terminate was not welcome. This attitude compounded the suffering she and her husband experienced as they faced the probable loss of their son.
Ten long weeks after the conversation with the specialist, her son's heart stopped beating. During that time the MFM team gave no consolation, a nurse chided her regarding termination, and one doctor scolded her when she turned down an invasive test. In the midst of a complicated process of trying to deliver her son, she overheard him say, "yes, this is the patient who chose not to terminate."
Though she was already in deep pain—emotionally and physically—the specialists she had counted on to guide her through one of the most difficult times of her life made her feel stupid for desiring to give her son every possible chance at life.
It's worth noting that her son's condition, cystic hygroma, does have a very high fatality rate, but it can also spontaneously resolve and result in a healthy birth with no complications. My friend had small reason to hope—but not zero reason. She found this out via Google and Instagram—not from the doctor who should have counseled her on this.
If abortion were not the default option in cases of fetal abnormality, would my friend and others like her receive more compassion in these situations? A close look at the alternatives seems to point to "yes."
There are about 300 programs around the world that provide hospice care for babies with life-limiting diagnoses, support for families who will lose their child all too soon and funeral homes that provide gratis burial and cremation.
The contrast between this compassionate option and the "quick solution" of abortion is stark: when fetal human beings are aborted, especially in the second and third trimesters, it is done through very painful procedures such as dismemberment or inducing cardiac arrest. Typically, after the womb is evacuated, the child's body is then discarded. Mom is unlikely to hold her baby and say goodbye and the loss is often wrapped up in painful feelings of guilt and shame.
In short, offering abortion as the only option to families in this situation says that all we can do for your child is discard them.
It is my hope that instead, moms facing this incredibly difficult reality will be met with a level of tenderness, compassion, and understanding that values both their life and that of their child. Pro-life physicians have long provided this kind of care and I believe all of us who provide care for women during pregnancy could come together on this issue.
A year later, my friend heard an OB-GYN explain that babies, even the ones who won't survive, are well protected and relatively pain free in the womb. The entire time she had gone to the doctor, no one had relieved her psychological pain by sharing this information.
When she delivered her stillborn child, the nurses and doctors were nothing but kind, in stark contrast to the cold treatment she had previously received. She was able to hold her baby, wrapped in a blanket she made for him, and sing to him. Those moments of peace, love, and sadness were incredibly important for her grieving process.
Attempting to skip to the end of the grief process through elective termination may seem compassionate, but it compounds the pain experienced by parents by implying that there was no purpose to their child's life.
Leaving the hospital empty handed was a terrible moment for my friends. But they left knowing that in the end, they had given their son all they could as parents—a chance at life.
The experience was an intense expression of love that transformed something "useless" like pain into something beautiful.
I am attending the March for Life because I believe that families deserve this kind of care, rooted in compassion and a fundamental appreciation for every life, no matter how short or precarious it might be. Both my patients—mom and baby—deserve it.
Dr. Christina Francis is CEO-elect of the American Association of Pro-Life OB-GYNs.
The views expressed in this article are the writer's own.
