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I always knew I was adopted when I was a baby. It was never a big secret, and it was actually comforting to me. My mom couldn't have kids due to a medical condition, which is why she adopted me and my older sister. My sister and I were very loved, and we grew up with amazing parents. Our parents let us know what a blessing we were to their lives.
But as I entered my teenage years, I wondered about my birth parents. I was curious to know about them, as they're part of who I am.
Then, as an adult, my sister, who was also adopted, did a DNA test to find her birth parents. She found her birth father, and it was a wonderful thing for her—she integrated very well into the family, and it brought so much extra love into her life.
Seeing my sister having that extra joy in her life, I wanted to know about my own birth parents. My mom, sister and husband encouraged me to look. I was nervous, but I knew that if I reached out and I found a mother and father who wanted nothing to do with me I would be OK because I already had that support and love.
Searching for my birth father
I sent my DNA off in January, 2018 to a family history site, MyHeritage. I tried to stay neutral: it was such a wild chance that, of all the DNA testing sites out there, one of my parents would be on the same site as me. I was hopeful that something would show up, but at the same time I didn't want my heart to break if nothing happened.
The first couple of months, I got emails saying, "you've matched with someone," and I would get really excited. But these hits were super distant relatives—fifth cousins and the like. I was in a cycle of getting really excited every time I got a match, and then being disappointed.
After about eight months, I checked my emails from the site as part of my daily routine but I stopped getting my hopes up.
Meeting my birth father
On August 23, 2019, I woke up and checked my emails. I had one from the DNA site, which said I had received a message in their system. So I opened their website and saw that I had an email from a match. The site said this person was "51 percent match. Father."
I screamed and threw my cell phone across the room. Then I started hyperventilating. But once I calmed down, I opened the email. The first line was: "I know this is kind of weird, but were you adopted as a baby? Because I matched with you and it says you might be my daughter."
I was so overwhelmed by the message. I was super excited and hopeful, but also anxious. I didn't know what he was going to say or what his involvement had been in putting me up for adoption.
He gave me his email address, and we emailed back and forth for a while. He told me all about himself, and showed me pictures of my two younger half-sisters. They look so much like me—in some of the pictures, I could have mistaken them for myself when I was younger.
A couple of days later, he said he wanted to meet me. We arranged to meet for lunch at a barbeque place. He was waiting for me outside when I arrived, and as I walked up to him he immediately recognized me.
I was anxious. It was like a job interview, the feeling of, "I need to put my best foot forward, I want this person to like me." But at the same time, I thought, if we didn't click then I would still have reached my goal, which was to meet him.
But I needn't have worried. We talked and we immediately clicked. Talking to him was so fun. He is such a charismatic person and we have so much in common: we both love music and theater, we both used to sing and act, and he used to be a nurse while I worked in veterinary medicine for years. We connected on such random things.
It was so comforting and so amazing to meet him. He was immediately like, "I would love to have you in my life, if that's what you want." And I was like, "Yeah, that would be great!"
Strange coincidences that connected us
Over lunch, I learned that we had almost met the year before. It was at FanX, a comic convention down in Salt Lake. My husband, our kids, my sister-in-law, her kids, and I had all dressed up as the characters from Firefly, which is one of my favorite TV shows.
I was with my husband almost the entire time, but I felt a little claustrophobic at one point, so I took my son out for a little air, and my husband went and looked at this Firefly booth. My birth dad, Criss, approached my husband, thinking he worked at the booth because of his costume, and they talked to each other about the show. Then my husband went and met back up with me.
When Criss and I were talking about shows we liked over lunch, I mentioned I liked Firefly and went to FanX and that I had gone the year prior. He said he had been at that convention too. I showed him a picture of me and my family and he was like, "I know that person." And I said, "That's my husband."
Criss said if I had been standing with my husband, he would have recognized me because I look so much like his other children. But I believe everything happens for a reason. I probably just wasn't ready yet, and honestly it would have been really weird if a stranger had approached me and said, "Hey, I'm your dad."
Another coincidence we found was that I grew up in a town called Riverton, in Utah. I lived there my whole childhood, until I moved out to go to college and get married. Criss and his family lived in West Valley, which is about a 20-minute drive from where I lived. I found that so crazy.
Our history—and our future
Criss told me what had happened with my mom on that first day we met, too. They had been together, she had got pregnant, and she broke up with him and told him she was putting me up for adoption. When I was born, she let him know and said he could come and see me. But he opted not to come. "If I see her, I can't give her up," he says he told her.
He says he always wanted to find me, which is why he did the DNA test. He doesn't know how to contact my birth mom. I would love to meet her at some point, even if it's just to thank her for giving me the opportunity to grow up and have the wonderful life that I'd had. But it's kind of her decision on whether she wants to come and look for me.
Meeting my birth dad has been wonderful. I have another support base and I absolutely adore his family. My half-siblings are amazing and so fun. My youngest half-sister got married in June, 2022, and I got to be a bridesmaid.
I talk to Criss every day, and he's been to events and dinners with my parents. My parents are so supportive and think he's a great guy. I talked to them before I met up with Criss, especially my dad—I was like, "Having a birth dad isn't replacing you as my father. You raised me, you are always going to be my dad. Having Criss in my life is not going to change that."
It's just another source of love. I believe love will never decrease by having extra people in your life—it can only expand.
Rachael Robertson, 32, lives in Utah with her husband and children. She matched with her birth father, Criss, through MyHeritage DNA.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Newsweek's My Turn deputy editor Katie Russell.
