🎙️ Voice is AI-generated. Inconsistencies may occur.
Bonnie's story
I never thought it could happen to me, but in 1961 at the age of 17 I was an unwed mother in a big city courtroom. For the first and only time in my life, I stood alone before the Magistrate, raised my right arm and swore never to interfere with the life of my three-day-old son.
Earlier that day, my parents had picked me up from Crittenton Hospital and driven me to the courthouse in order to place my sweet baby son up for adoption.
When he was born, hospital officials told me I should not see him for fear of making things harder. I ignored them. I went down to the nursery and touched the glass that separated me from my newborn, Michael, as he slept. He was the only baby in the nursery at the time. Just the two of us. I can still see him now, as clearly as I did then.
As I watched him, I prayed that the Lord would be with him. I prayed that he would be led to a loving family and have a happy childhood. Then I said my goodbye. I didn't see or hear from him again for 42 years.
Then, one day in June, the phone rang. My husband Tom, who is Michael's father, answered it.
"Does November 28, 1961, mean anything to you?" the person on the phone asked.
Tom wrote down the date on a notecard, knowing exactly what it meant. I saw the notecard he held up over his shoulder and immediately recognized the date: Michael's birthday.
"Yes! Yes, tell her yes!" I shouted.
The person on the phone was a confidential court intermediary. Michael was trying to contact me. I had waited for that call most of my life, bound by my vow never to interfere. I spent 42 years grieving the child I didn't get to know or to hold, hoping he was happy and safe. Then he found me, and I finally knew.
There are no easy choices when you're facing an unplanned pregnancy. Adoption is hard. Abortion is hard. We are never free from the consequences of our actions. So we choose our hard and hope for a better tomorrow.
I knew that I would suffer no matter what decision I made, but I think I made the right one. Adoption gave both of us a future. It gave us both hope.
When you abort a baby, it's a final decision and you can't go back. When I placed Michael for adoption, I had hope. I could imagine what he was doing, imagine him happy, imagine him growing up and falling in love. I knew I had done what I could to give my child a good family, to make things right.
It's frightening to be young, alone and pregnant. It can be tough to face the future in that situation. But I believe there is a lot we can do to instill hope and confidence in women who are considering abortion, such as improving access to basic healthcare and to maternity care.
It is my view that we should give these young women the support and information they need, so they can choose adoption, and hope, over the finality of abortion.
Mike's story
When I was 17 and heading off to college, my mother handed me a sealed envelope that contained medical information about my biological family. As I tore into it, I discovered that my birth mother was 17 when she had me. It was a chilling moment. I recognized that I, at her age, was in no position to raise a child. I suddenly empathized with the difficult situation my birth mother must have found herself in.
That feeling stuck with me for the rest of my life. Finally, one day, I decided to reach out to my birth mother through the adoption court. There were two points I wanted to get across to her: I was alive and well and grateful for her courageous decision. I was also willing to establish a relationship if she was interested.
I didn't know what to expect after I sent the note. Adoptions back in those days were closed, so information was hard to come by.
I didn't anticipate that the court would find both of my birth parents. Meeting them for the first time was thrilling. We initially met via email. Every day was like Christmas as I saw pictures of family members that looked like me. I said to a friend, "I'm looking in the mirror 18 years from now!" upon seeing a picture of my birth father for the first time.
On top of that, I learned I was the oldest of six brothers and sisters I would later get to meet. It was overwhelming, in a good way.
I didn't get a vote on whether I lived or not. Obviously I'm glad my birth mother didn't choose abortion. I was blessed to have two loving adoptive parents and blessed again to be reunited with my birth parents. I'm grateful for the selfless and courageous decisions that both of these families made, and have made it my mission to help others do the same.
Mike Tobias is a father-of-six who works at Human Coalition. Bonnie Wood lives with her husband, Tom, and is now retired.
All views expressed in this article are the authors' own.
