Fury as Parents of Adopted Son Only Pay Biological Children's College Fees

A 17-year-old boy has taken to Reddit to ask whether he is right to feel upset because his adoptive parents won't give him financial help to go to college, even though they supported all three of his older siblings, who are their biological children.

"I'm 17 and the youngest in the family. I was adopted at the age of 4, my biological mom was best friends with my adoptive mom and she adopted me after my biological mom passed away," the teenager with the user name u/Upbasis5231 said in a post on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum.

"I have three older siblings. My [adoptive] parents covered their college tuition in full and then covered law and medical school for two of them as well (the other sibling didn't go to grad school). They also gave them a stipend to cover living expenses," he said.

He explained that, when he spoke to his parents about support through college, to his surprise they said there was no money left to help after they spent it on the other siblings.

"I wasn't expecting a similar level of support," he explains, "But I was expecting some kind of help, my mom told me that my bio mom didn't leave money for my college so I'll be on my own."

The user then asked his parents if money was the issue or if it was because he was adopted and not their biological son.

"They were offended but reassured me that they genuinely can't afford it after they've purchased a condo for my sister earlier this year and it takes a few years for their finances to recover so it's just my bad luck that this has coincided with me going to college and there's nothing they can do now.

"I called them out and told them that I'm not buying this explanation at all and they wouldn't be doing this to me if I were their biological child, my dad reminded me that I'm acting in an entitled way and should instead learn that we don't always get what we want."

He maintained that his point is not about the money, but about being treated unfairly compared to his siblings. "They told me I'm being an entitled brat. Now I fear that I may have overstepped and indeed maybe I am being an a**hole."

A 2010 study published in the Infant & Child Development journal looked in to attitudes of parents towards their biological and adopted children, sampling 85 families, where one child was adopted and one was biological.

The study found that "parents reported less positive feelings towards their adopted child compared to their non-adoptive child", and this was much stronger in the father than the mother.

Unfairly Treated

Many users commented that the son was not being unreasonable, with one person saying, "NTA [not the a**hole], if they were helping with college and housing for their other kids they should've budgeted in a way that there would be some left for you. I don't think you are entitled for assuming that you would get the same treatment as your siblings. Have they showed favoritism like that in any other areas of your life growing up?", receiving over 10,000 likes.

The original poster replied to the comment, saying, "Yeah man my siblings were always the favorite but I don't usually make a big fuss about it."

Users on Reddit were quick to support the son, with one user saying, "There is no feeling about this, you ARE left out", while another asked "why adopt a kid and do that? I'm sorry. Genuinely that broke my heart."

Some users asked whether the teenager's late mother might have left funds that could be used to finance his studies, with one saying, "OP's deceased parents would definitely have left social security if not life insurance. OP should talk to a lawyer. His bio mom might not have "left" him college money specifically but there was money. Where is it?"

Another agreed "This is what I was thinking. Estates like that are usually put in trusts, or are noted for the money to be spent on the child. If there was a good amount of money, OP can have the parents required to show receipts that the money wasn't spent on the other kids. If it was, then the parents can get in massive s**t."

Newsweek reached out to u/Upbasis5231 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.