Agnostic Dad-To-Be Refuses to Raise Child In Wife's Religion, Sparks Debate

When it comes to having children, it's a good idea for parents to be on the same page—as one couple have found out the hard way.

Sharing his story with Reddit's TIFU (Today I F***** Up) forum, user u/USAFrcd explained that he had upset his pregnant wife by refusing to raise their future child Catholic.

Identifying as agnostic, the man said he is "uncomfortable" with the idea of "forcing" his child into Catholicism, despite his religious wife's wishes.

"We almost never talk about religion because we respect each other's beliefs," he wrote.

"However, she's three months pregnant which is bringing up the religion conversations."

After talking about the topic, he discovered that his wife intends to have the child baptized, take it to mass, and have it attend a Catholic school.

"I don't have a problem with religion," he continued. "But to force one upon a child seems like abuse and selfishness to me."

The situation came to a head when his wife decided to buy a children's bible to read to the baby before bed.

"In response, I said I'd also like to read something like a children's 'book of all religions' so it gets a chance to expand its horizons and think for itself," he explained.

His wife was not happy with the suggestion, declaring: "The child WILL be raised Catholic until it's a teenager and can make its own decision on religion/faith. I wish I were never pregnant. Don't talk to me about religion again, ever."

Concluding his post, the man said: "I feel so trapped and helpless regarding my child's development.

"It really feels like s*** being looked down upon and not taken seriously by someone (especially my wife) that has comfort in their belief system."

A study by the Pew Research Center found that almost 40 percent of US marriages post-2010 are interfaith. This is almost double the rate of interfaith marriages reported in 1960, suggesting religious compatibility is less important to Americans today than it was in the past.

Newly-weds are less likely to share the same faith than older partners. However, the majority of married couples do practice the same religion, regardless of age.

Many users wanted to know why the couple hadn't discussed the topic in more detail before deciding to have a baby.

"Surprised you guys didn't talk about this before children," said smudgetimeusa. "This convo was always gonna happen."

Jiffy-loo agreed, writing: "This could be a huge incompatibility not only in a romantic relationship, but also in a co-parenting relationship."

While failmatic commented: "They never discussed it because of fear.

"It's a serious relationship ending type of conversation, especially between non religious and religious partner."

Other users offered advice, with AStirlingMacDonald suggesting the couple "focus on critical thinking skills."

"Teach your child healthy skepticism, not specifically directed at religion, but in regards to every facet of life," he said.

"Teach your kid to not accept things at face value, teach them the best practices for going and doing research and finding things out for themselves."

Canuck_2022 advised seeking outside help, such as couples therapy.

"You are an equal parent and therefore obligated to raise your child with your faith," he reminded the dad-to-be.

"I strongly suggest marriage counseling. You both need to recognize that you are equal parents with equal say as to how your child is raised."

USAFrcd tells Newsweek that he and his wife had come to a compromise.

"She's going to raise the child as Catholic," he explained.

"Considering I don't believe one particular faith, my duty will be to widen our child's horizon simultaneously by ensuring they understand there's not just one single religion out there, and when it comes time to commit, not committing is an acceptable choice.

"My goal is not to sway our child toward any religion. I just want them to choose what fits them best. Should our child wish to maintain their Catholic faith, then great! If they're happy, I'm happy."

USAFrcd isn't the only one to spark debate online with their parenting choices. Reddit users were recently divided over a mom's decision to shave her baby's unibrow, while a mom- and dad-to-be's argument over baby names ignited a conversation about cultural identity.

Update 07/25/22, 05:09 a.m. ET: This article was updated to include a quote from u/USAFrcd.