Bride-to-Be's Wedding Invitation Dilemma Sparks Debate: 'Feels Selfish'

A bride-to-be is seeking advice over a delicate invitation situation, as she set about finalizing the guestlist for her upcoming wedding.

The woman shared the dilemma to Mumsnet under the apt username, Weddinginvitationdilemma, as she revealed she was tying the knot later this year.

She claimed her parents, in their 70s, were good friends with another couple, who she called June and Terry, since they were all in their 20s.

The couple have a daughter, who she calls Amy, and the foursome were so close June is her godmother, while her dad is Amy's godfather.

She said: "Terry & June moved to a different part of the country when I was a baby. Weekends spent visiting them, and hanging out with Amy, were a genuine highlight of my childhood. I suspect because my parents really enjoyed those weekends too.

"Fast forward and Amy and I have an independent friendship—we aren't close—she lives far away, probably see her and her DH [dear husband] and DC [dear children] maybe once every 12-18 months.

"She's c*** at WhatsApp so we don't talk a lot otherwise. But she's a link to my childhood I don't otherwise have (only child) and we all get on (DHtobe and her DH) and it wouldn't feel right not to invite her to our wedding."

But the problem is her parents and June and Terry had a massive falling-out about three years ago.

She didn't know the specifics, saying: "I suspect the intensity of long weekends together and little contact in between with changing lives etc getting older meant the friendship had drifted, such a compressed amount of time together became challenging, and it apparently came to a head in one big argument one weekend.

"Now they haven't spoken since. My DM [dear mother] has attempted (I think rather clumsily, if I'm honest) to send an olive branch in the way of birthday card/letter which didn't go down well."

She kept in touch with June via birthday and Christmas cards, but as the wedding approached, she was in two minds about whether to invite the couple. Her mother wanted them there, as she explained she's a "people pleaser."

"She thinks (probably rightly) June will 'go ballistic' if she's not invited to her goddaughter's wedding—and even more ballistic if Amy & DH are. She also thinks it could be an opportunity to build bridges.

"I'm not sure that's an ideal activity for her daughter's wedding day, but I can also see it might be nice for this rift to be healed slightly, if it works. I know Amy will bear the brunt of the ballisticness if Terry & June aren't invited, and I don't want to make life difficult for her.

"I genuinely don't know what to do for the best. I'm veering towards inviting them but it feels selfish because potentially it's going to add stress to my DM's day just to avoid it for others (including me)," the bride-to-be added.

The post has racked up more than 100 replies since being shared on Sunday, as most people advised inviting them.

Rwalker thought: "I'd invite them but call them and be honest, say I'd love you to come but understand the situation and whatever you decide is fine."

Wentworthinmate reckoned: "I wouldn't be inviting any of them. None of you are close, I've never understood inviting someone you see once in a blue moon. They are acquaintances, they probably don't even expect an invite! And once at the reception, who will they know apart from you? I'd be declining for that reason if I were in their shoes."

Gizacluethen wrote: "I would invite them. It gives them an opportunity to put it all behind them and your mum is on board with it."

Jaxhog commented: "I'd invite them—they probably won't come. They might be mainly 'friends' of your parents, but June is also your godmother."

Chooksnroses reckoned: "Invite them, the argument is not yours, and she is your Godmother. They might decline anyway, but you shouldn't get involved in their problems."

Pickabearanybear asked: "If you aren't in contact with them I wouldn't invite them. Why would you invite people you no longer have a relationship with?"

Aubriella advised: "You will regret it if you don't invite them. Don't over-think it, you're inviting your godparent to your wedding. That's all you need to know."

"I'd invite them, the ball's in their court and they can decide what's best for themselves. It will cause more drama not inviting them, give yourself an easy life," Favouritefruits pointed out.

The chart below, provided by Statista, shows when people get married.

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Mummyoflittledragon thought: "I also would invite them. It seems like the kind thing to do for your parents. If they decline, that is their prerogative."

While 2bazookas added: "I'd send them an invitation. If they accept I'm sure all 4 will play nice at the wedding. If they decline, nothing lost."

In response, the bride explained they were planning on having around 100 guests and she was also worried about the seating plan if they came.

After reading through people's advice, she summarized: "I think they're getting an invite and I will chat to Amy about it as well."

In the U.K., where the bride-to-be is thought to be based, the average number of wedding guests was 72 in 2021, according to Hitched's 2021 National Wedding Survey.

The average cost of nuptials was £17,300 ($21,613), although 48 per cent went over budget, with the most popular month for a wedding being August.