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A bridesmaid has been supported online after confessing her upset over a friend's decision to expect her to attend the big day.
The mom and wife shared that she had been invited to the wedding of a close friend, on a Tuesday during the school year. It's to be a child-free wedding in Scotland, despite the couple and their friends living in England.
Adding onto the dilemma, the woman explained that she was asked to be a bridesmaid and "was greeted with confusion" when she said her husband would be unable to attend. The guest took her issue to popular forum Mumsnet in a bid to gain others' thoughts on the situation.
According to The Knot's 2021 study, the average wedding guest list in the U.S. is 105 people, but the average percentage that actually end up attending sits between 70 and 85 percent.
Last year, however, experts warned that couples should prepare for 100 percent of guests to attend, thanks to a post-pandemic increase in invite acceptance.
It's the expectation for attendance, especially with such a difficult wedding, that left the bridesmaid riled up over the upcoming nuptials.
"We don't have family nearby and my siblings all have their own children so can't magically be around on a weekday to do childcare. There is no childcare option other than leaving them with someone who is a stranger to our baby, who will be 15 months at the time of the wedding, which neither of us are comfortable doing," she wrote.
"I also am not pleased with having to take a few of my precious annual leave days to attend as I need them for school holidays. There's even been talk of [Bachelorette] and [Bachelor] parties abroad. God help me."
"If people give so little consideration to their guests why don't they just elope?" she asked.
The bridesmaid clarified that it's not the child-free, weekday wedding she has a "problem" with, but the expectation that she must attend. It's a feeling expressed by fellow Mumsnet users, who were left angered by their own similar experiences, too.
"I think where they are unreasonable is expecting you to come," replied one user. "I don't think they should be obliged to invite children or pay weekend prices for the convenience of guests on the basis they accept declines with good grace."
"They can have their wedding when they like but most understand if people can't make it. Especially mid-week when you would have childcare issues. It must be a close friend if you've been asked to be a bridesmaid? So I think having to take a few days annual leave i'd swallow for a close friend. But I would explain your husband can't come as he's having to stay and look after the children," added another.
"I had to do exactly the same with a close friend. I was a bridesmaid. Weekday wedding. Other end of the county, kids were invited! I said the children obviously couldn't miss school and my husband would miss the wedding and have to stay at home to look after them.
"You could just decline - depends on the friendship. I think if you're going to have a midweek wedding then you need to accept that lots of people won't come, those that do may drive etc to not miss work the next day. It would be a completely different vibe and I can't personally see how it's worth the cost saving. I'd just have less people and cut costs in other areas than have a random Tuesday wedding that nobody is up for," they continued.
Another user agreed, noting that "the couple can choose whatever wedding they want but accept that if it's not local, guests may not be able to attend and not make them feel guilty about it. If the bride and groom genuinely want their guests to attend, they'd make it easier.
"I've been invited to some really inconvenient weddings and greeted with disgust that I wasn't going or guilted into going. My annual leave is planned to the half day for school holidays. I couldn't just book a random weekday for a wedding."
Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.
