Couple Going Strong After 20 Years, Despite Gender Swap: 'My Forever Person'

A couple who fell in love as a man and a woman are celebrating two decades together—even though the man has transitioned.

Marie was 15 when she met her childhood sweetheart, Tashina, then 16, in 2003. At the time, Marie was living as a male named Martin and had been hiding her transgender identity for five years.

Marie was terrified to come out due to her Catholic upbringing, but Tashina gave her the love and support she needed.

"We believe we are each other's soulmates," Marie, 35, told Newsweek. "She is my one constant in a chaotic world."

Almost two decades later, and the couple are still going strong. To celebrate, Marie shared their prom photo to Reddit's r/MadeMeSmile forum, with the post receiving over 66,000 upvotes.

'I Realized She Was My Forever Person'

Around 1.6 percent American adults identify as transgender or non-binary, according to Pew Research Center. Gender dysphoria begins in childhood, states a 2020 study by the Cedars-Sinai nonprofit hospital in Los Angeles, with 73 percent of transgender women and 78 percent of transgender men experiencing symptoms by age 7.

The research also revealed that untreated gender dysphoria can lead to a lower quality of life, particularly as the child grows up and is forced to grapple with puberty and gender norms.

Marie realized she was transgender at 10 years old. Her father was flicking through various TV channels, fleetingly stopping on a documentary about transgender people.

"I learned that it is possible to have a soul that doesn't match your body, and there are treatments to help fix that mismatch," Marie said.

Growing up in a Catholic household, she was taught that it was sinful to be transgender, so she kept her feelings a secret. "Shaming my family by transitioning was not something I wanted to do," she added.

Marie first spotted Tashina in gym class. She was laughing so loudly at a friend's joke that Marie could hear her from the other side of the field.

On the bus ride home, Marie decided to talk to "the pretty, vivacious girl" she had seen earlier. Heading toward her usual seat at the back, she stopped and lay across Tashina's lap.

"I told her it was a long trip and I needed to rest a moment," Marie said. "She laughed that same wonderful laugh, and I knew I had a chance."

Marie had experienced crushes in the past, but the way she felt about Tashina was different. After school, they'd spend hours talking on the phone. When their parents kicked them off the landline, they would use walkie-talkies to say goodnight.

"I felt like I was missing half of me whenever we weren't together," Marie said. "I realized I wanted to share every experience with her."

Tashina felt the same. She'd spent her teen years "jumping from boyfriend to boyfriend," afraid of being alone.

Her mother left when she was a baby, and after her father remarried, Tashina never felt at home in his new family. She tried to fill the void with romantic love, but never truly connected with anyone until Marie.

"It just snuck up on me," Tashina, 36, told Newsweek. "She became a part of who I am without me realizing it."

When Marie was accepted to University of California, San Diego two-and-a-half hours away, the thought of being apart terrified Tashina.

"I realized she was my forever person," she said. "A life without Marie was never a life I wanted to be a part of."

'She Said That She Wished She Could Be a Girl Always'

Marie changed her mind about transitioning after starting college. Meeting LGBTQ+ students from similar backgrounds, she was inspired to explore her identity further.

"I saw that they were still alive. They had made it through," Marie said. "It no longer made sense to devote my entire life to making others happy."

Tashina was the only one who knew of Marie's transgender identity. She had told Tashina early on in their relationship, on Halloween night 2005.

They'd decided to dress up as each other, with Tashina even doing Marie's make-up for her. However, by the end of the evening, Marie had become fidgety and nervous. Tashina asked her what was wrong, and everything came tumbling out.

"Maria said that she didn't want to take off the costume. She said that she wished she could be a girl always," Tashina said. "I told her that I still loved her and that I wasn't going to leave her."

Marie originally planned to transition after college, but after being seriously injured in an accident during her sophomore year, she decided to come out sooner.

Maria was biking downhill one night when she lost control in a wooded area. She flew over the handlebars and was knocked out. She suffered a fractured skull and eye socket and a temporal lobe concussion. The event made her realize that life is short and spurred her transition.

'He Explained That I Was Looking at My Future'

Marie's parents were initially supportive, but as the weeks progressed, they struggled to accept her transgender identity.

They blamed college for Marie's gender dysphoria and began controlling her every move. As well as searching her belongings and tracking her internet usage, her mother chaperoned her everywhere she went. Marie was prevented from returning to U.C San Diego, and her father asked a curandera—a Latin folk healer—to "cure her."

Raised as a Baptist Christian, Tashina's parents were already unhappy with her visiting Marie at the weekends. They said she was setting a bad example for their younger children. When Marie came out as transgender, it was the final straw.

The pair were forced out of their homes by 2009. They rented a small room in a dangerous part of Ontario, California, living hand to mouth.

"For years, Tashina and I had known that together we could do greater things than we could separately, and now was our time to prove it," Marie said.

Transitioning wasn't an easy process. Marie struggled to find information about transgender healthcare, and they found the costs were insurmountable. As a result, she self-medicated on estrogen and hormone blockers between the ages of 19 and 24.

When she asked her family doctor to check her hormone levels, he took her into his back office. He handed her a book called Why Can't I Get Job?, which was filled with images of heavily tattooed and pierced "freaks."

"He explained that I was looking at my future," Marie said. "He dropped me as a patient after that."

Marie paid for premier insurance in the hopes of finding support. It was an 80-mile round trip to visit the nearest doctor who would see transgender patients. The appointments were unpleasant.

Marie credits Tashina for her survival, believing the experience strengthened their bond further.

"When I came out, my wife told me she would be my partner, my best friend, or my sister. She ended up becoming all three," Marie said. "I made it clear that her leaving would not be a failure in her commitment to me, but she's still never wavered."

'Our Intimacy Isn't Derailed by Physical Changes'

The couple decided to get married in July 2011 and set a date at their local courthouse. Marie had been presenting as female and taking hormones for a number of years, but was still legally male. Their families refused to attend, but Marie's brother and a good friend agreed to be their witnesses.

The couple was hoping that they'd be able to get married on a technicality, but when they arrived, staff tried to turn them away.

Not realizing Marie was still registered as male, the staff told the couple that gay weddings were illegal in California. When the couple explained their situation, the staff declined for "moral reasons." Eventually, they were able to speak to a judge, who agreed to marry them.

A dozen years later, the couple are as in love as ever. Although they both describe themselves as straight women, their connection goes beyond gender.

"We are in love, mind, body, and soul," Marie said. "Our intimacy isn't derailed by physical changes."

Tashina agrees, believing that true love has no boundaries. Marie is the only woman she is physically attracted to, dubbing herself "Marie-sexual."

"In terms of attraction, I find myself drawn to men," Tashina said. "But I just want her."

Marie was eventually able to return to college. Despite working alongside her classes, she graduated with a 4.0 GPA. She has since reunited with her family, although it took a long time for them to reconcile.

The couple hoped to have a biological child, but by the time they could afford fertility treatment, Marie was already sterile from the hormones. They are looking into adoption, but are concerned that won't happen in the current political climate.

"I hope the world becomes a kinder place to us," Marie said. "I would love to see more transgender role models out and proud.

"I hope I can help others to realize you don't have to choose between living authentically and finding love," she added.

If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work, and your story could be featured on Newsweek's "What Should I Do? section.

Correction 05/16/23 03.23a.m. E.T.: This story was updated to correct data from Pew Research Center. The article originally that stated 1.6 million U.S. adults identify as trans or non-binary, rather than 1.6 percent.