Dad Backed for Refusal to Financially Support Ex's Daughter: 'Not My Child'

Internet commenters rallied in support of one father who refuses to financially support his ex-wife's daughter with her new partner, despite helping raise other children.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Familymeeting2 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) detailed his unique family arrangement and made it clear why he feels no obligation to his ex's youngest child.

Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for treating my son's girlfriend like a daughter while excluding his sister?" the post has received more than 10,000 upvotes and 1,500 comments since October 6.

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"I (60/m) have what I consider to be four children," OP began.

Continuing to explain that his ex-wife already had two children, "Paul" and "Ruby," before they were married, the original poster said he loved both children like his own, and that the pair welcomed a son of their own, "Lucas."

Then, when his son's girlfriend "Charlotte" was 14 years old, the former couple welcomed her into their home after learning that her own household was abusive, "unofficially adopting" the teenager.

But after financially supporting all four children through high school, college and medical school, the original poster said there is an expectation for him to contribute to all of his ex-wife's children—even the one he has no relationship with.

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"For all of my children, I paid for their college education, got them cars on their 16th birthdays, you name it," OP wrote. "Lucas and Charlotte went to medical school and I paid for their tuition. They're in residency now and I pay the rent for both of their apartments."

"The other day, [my ex-wife] told me she needed me to start helping Marissa the way I help Charlotte," OP continued. "Marissa is the child she has with her current husband.

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"I told my ex-wife Marissa is not my child and that I want the best for her because she's the half-sister of three of my children, but I will not be contributing financially," OP added. "Her response was that Charlotte is not my daughter until Lucas marries her and that I'm punishing Marissa because of who her father is."

Although data published by Pew Research Center indicates that 16 percent of children in the U.S. live in blended families, in which at least one parent was accompanied by a child from a previous relationship, the arrangement laid out by the original poster is more complicated.

However, unconventional familial arrangements have become increasingly common over the last decade, and so have attitudes toward them, with Pew reporting that 30 percent of Americans believe that straying from tradition is a good thing, and another 45 percent who believe that it makes no difference.

Despite the increase in acceptance—or increase in indifference—attitudes and relationships within unconventional arrangements are often difficult to navigate, especially when ex-partners are forced to interact with each other and their new families.

"Mixing up a family is a completely weird situation for everyone," Kristen Souza, a licensed mental health counselor and ChoosingTherapy.com expert, told Newsweek. "It's natural to feel protective of your old family dynamic which can make it hard to bond with 'someone else's kid.'

While certain expectations and interactions with a child's half-sibling can lead to awkwardness, it is imperative that parents remain cordial with former partners and their children to set a proper example.

"You're an adult who can do hard things which includes modeling kindness in front of your kids," Souza added. "You're not obligated to have a relationship with other people's children, but you are obligated to show respect."

Throughout the viral Reddit post, the original poster was adamant about his respect for his ex-wife, and for her daughter Marissa.

He was also adamant that, despite helping raise three of his ex-wife's children, he would not financially contribute to a fourth—a decision many Redditors responding to the viral post defended.

"The question comes into play about Marissa, who is your ex-wife's new child," Redditor u/MKAnchor wrote in the post's top comment, which has received more than 24,000 upvotes.

"She's related to Paul, Ruby [and] Lucas. Aside from that you've never taken care of her or been responsible for her. You're not with her mom and her mom has a husband," they added. "[Not the a**hole]."

Redditor u/Aggravating_Start411, whose comment has received nearly 6,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.

"[Not the a**hole]," they assured. "You have zero obligation to her. It's ridiculous your ex even suggested this."

"Do you even HAVE a relationship with Marissa?" Redditor u/Aiyokusama added, receiving nearly 2,000 upvotes.

"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/Lettuce-Beginning chimed in. "Sounds like your ex has been taking advantage of your generosity."

Newsweek has reached out to u/Familymeeting2 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.