Dad Excluding Stepson from 'Bonding' Trips with His Biological Kids Blasted

A dad who allegedly excluded his stepson from a "bonding" trip with his biological children, explaining he "can't dilute the experience," has received a storm of criticism on Reddit.

According to a post shared by the 16-year-old stepson (under the username Contkad851) on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole (AITA) sub, his stepdad married his mother when the user was a one-year-old. His stepdad has a biological son who is of the same age as the user, and the couple also share a 14-year-old daughter together.

The last two years have seen the stepdad take his biological kids on trips for "father-children bonding moments." He's never taken his stepson on these trips, despite the teen asking to go, according to the user.

When the stepson called him out on this last week, his stepdad allegedly said that this trip is "for him and his children" and the stepson is "not his child like they are." He allegedly said "he loves me but it's different, he can't dilute the experience by bringing me as well...," according to the stepson.

When the stepson told his mom about that conversation, she said "she can't change the way he feels so I need to accept it," according to the user.

Being the only father figure he knows, the stepson said: "I've always called him dad, my actual dad is not in my life."

The stepson said that although his stepdad never mistreated him, "growing up I always noticed that he treated me differently...he was always more interested [in] his own children than me, in fact he always showed very little interest in me.

"I've always felt like a second class family member," the stepson said, adding that "my mom treats my step brother exactly like me but step father doesn't do the same for me."

Following his recent conversation with the stepdad, the stepson decided to stop calling him "dad" and refer to him by his first name (Tom). When Tom asked why he'd done that, the stepson said he didn't want to "dilute the experience he has with his real children by calling him dad when clearly I'm not his son. It's something that should be kept for his actual children."

The stepdad was allegedly hurt by the stepson's response, according to the user's mom, who said the stepson needs to apologize, explaining that "this is the man who has raised me all my life." The mother told her son that the stepdad is "95 percent of the way for being a dad" to him and that he "shouldn't ignore all of that and focus on the missing 5 percent and reject him entirely."

A study published in March 2021 in the peer-reviewed Journal of Family Issues found that "stepparents quite commonly perceive their stepchildren as their own children."

The study's findings suggested that "when we ask stepparents to evaluate to what extent they perceive their stepchildren as their own, they seem to do this in light of a certain general archetype of a parent–child relation, rather than in reference to their personal experiences as a parent to their own children."

The study also found that "stepparents with children born in the stepfamily perceived their stepchildren as their own the least" and "stepparents who have children only from a previous union claimed [perceived their adult stepchildren as their own] most strongly..."

Several users on Reddit shared messages of support for the stepson, noting that the stepdad "doesn't deserve" to be called his father.

User Relevant_Ambition272 said: "the stepson is not "NTA [not the a**hole]," adding "If he doesn't want to be your dad fully with no strings attached then he doesn't deserve the respect of being called dad...you deserve a dad step or otherwise who views you as their own and treats you as such...," in a comment that got 11,300 upvotes.

User disusedhospital agreed that the stepson is NTA, stating: "he [the stepdad] doesn't deserve to be treated as a father if (in his opinion) OP [original poster] doesn't deserve to be treated like a son/daughter."

Dangerous-WinterElf said the mom should be asked "why you [the stepson] should just live with being treated so differently, but you should respect his feelings. You give and you take...," in a comment that got 299 upvotes.

Several accused the mother of being an "AH [a**hole]," condemning her for not supporting her son and being an "enabler" of the stepdad's behavior towards his stepson.

Kab1212 wrote: "I'm sorry your mom isn't supporting you. She has known the whole time that that is how he feels, and she allowed him to make you feel like an outsider. She failed you," in a comment that received 259 upvotes.

NightWitch65 asked: "Why is Tom allowed to treat you as an outsider and hurt your feelings, but you're not? Your mom is just as much of an AH as Tom is..." in a comment that got 215 upvotes.

CarelessPath1689 stated: "Because the dad is emotionally negligent and the mom is an enabler. Clear as day..." in a comment that got 737 upvotes.

Sissonater agreed, noting: "You are absolutely NTA. [Your] stepdad is a jerk and your mom is an enabler."