Dad Slammed Over Plans for Mini-Break Away While Wife Struggles With 2 Kids

A dad has been slammed for asking to go on a retreat while his wife struggles to care for their children.

In a post on November 17 on the popular discussion site Mumsnet, user walkinthewoodstoday shared her distress and asked for advice.

"My husband has just sent me a message saying he would like a few nights of silent retreat, and written dates," she said. "We have a 9-month-old and a 7-year-old. I am not yet back at work but will be soon. I don't know if I am lazy or struggling with mental health but some days I just find things really hard."

Clearly struggling, the mom explained how she has been feeling anxious and stressed.

"I function in the sense I feed my 9-month-old, play with him, and put him down for rests. With the older one, I feed and do my best. I often don't bother to feed myself. I have to force myself up and out with both of them to do the school run at 8 a.m. and then I just survive," said the mom.

"Some days are OK though," she added. "I think I'm just mentally burnt out from being 'on' the whole time. His asking to have a couple of days away just makes me feel sad."

Gilza Fort-Martinez, a licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of the Resolution Counseling Center, told Newsweek: "Sadly, it is pretty common for moms to struggle like this. While not sure where this mom is located, the consensus is that parenting is now done solo, whereas historically, parenting had been more of an extended family situation. This mom also sounds like she is struggling with some postpartum depression: fatigue, lingering sadness, and loss of pleasure in her usual activities."

Postpartum depression is a type of depression that parents can suffer from after having a baby. Symptoms include constant sadness, lack of energy, and difficulty caring for yourself or your child.

Research shows that around one in seven women will develop postpartum depression, and the condition can severely affect a woman's ability to function normally.

With over 300 replies, Mumsnet users rushed to share their thoughts and advice with the struggling mom.

One commenter said: "Gosh, I would love a silent retreat. It sounds like you need a break too. Could you facilitate that for him with something of equal value or effort planned for you in return?"

"It sounds like you need a retreat even more than he does," suggested another reply.

Meanwhile, other commenters had no time for the husband's request and slammed him for asking for the break.

"Your husband is a selfish a******," said one reply. While another Mumsnet user wrote: "You get absolutely no respite whereas he gets it when he's at work. I can't believe he's being so selfish."

"Parenting is a challenging often misunderstood job," said Fort-Martinez. "My initial suggestion would be for the two of them to talk about what she is feeling. An open and honest conversation about what both of them feel and need may clear the air—then the request can be addressed more effectively."

"I think it's important for him to take care of himself. But it's also important for you. I would talk to him about how you're feeling," said another Mumsnet user.

Fort-Martinez agreed and said: "How to balance what we as mom and dad need versus what we want and still show up for our kids is a challenge. I believe parents can best support each other through honest and open conversations, compromise, and forgiveness."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.