Dad Slammed for Criticizing Daughter for Doing Nothing: 'Tidy The Mess Up'

A daughter on Mumsnet has gained sympathy on the forum after their post describing their fathers behavior towards them, leading people in the comments to label him "ungrateful."

In the post, user youknowitsnotthesame, 36, describes how she looks after her 77 year old father who constantly tells her they, "do nothing for him."

"I live with my partner and he lives alone," she writes, "I stay with him 1 night a week just to keep him company really. I'm an only child and he has a 2 year old dog. He is still really active /fit /goes to the pub twice a week with his friends /walks etc He constantly has a go at me and says I don't help him.

"I go to the supermarket twice a week and get him anything he needs. This morning he said "you don't go for me, you only pick my stuff up when you go for yourself"... I ring him twice a day and pop in daily (even when not staying).

"When he had covid I was here daily getting his newspaper/taking the dog out/getting any bits he needed. Monday night he went to the pub and when he came back his dog had ripped a newspaper.

"This morning he said "you didn't think about coming over yesterday and tidy the mess up" It's constant. He just constantly says I do "nothing for him".

"My partner says I do more than enough. Anything my Dad wanted, I would do for him. He could ask me to drive two hours to pick up his favorite tea bags and I would just to make him happy. Am I being unreasonable? Do I do more?"

Users were quick to jump to her defense, with one writing: "What was his relationship with your Mum like? Did she wait on him hand and foot and now he expects you to?"

Many users described the father's behavior as 'bullying', with another writing: "Sounds like because you're female he thinks you should be running around after him. He's bullying you and I fear you'll have to tell him a few things outright such as you will not be spoken to like that. You're also doing more than enough. You're allowing yourself to be bullied. What was he like towards you when you were growing up?"

A third agreed saying: "He's an abusive bully when you look at it in the cold light of day. home help to come in and clean/cook for him."

One user agreed and criticized the original poster for not being more assertive. They said: "He's a bully OP and you're encouraging this behavior by not standing up to him.

"I'd echo other posters by suggesting you say something along the lines of "Dad, I do more than enough for you. This week alone, I've done x y and z. If you think I do nothing for you, then I will do nothing from now on, and when you realize how much I've actually been doing for you, my door is open for an apology.

"Then withdraw everything you do for him, so he can see for himself just how much you do. If he apologizes he will likely have the expectation that you'll accept the apology and go back to being his unpaid servant. I'd explain that the previous situation of doing loads and being consistently unappreciated no longer works for you so you won't be adopting the previous system, but will be more than happy to help him arrange for paid home help to come in and clean/cook for him."

Millennials are becoming increasingly dominant in the 'sandwich generation', that is those who are having to look after both their children, and their parents at the same time. According to USA Today, "Forty percent of millennials are more likely to be caring for an elderly parent during the health crisis, compared with 34% of Gen Xers and 13% of Boomers."

The Vice President and head of the long-term care solutions for New York Life, said: "Some millennials are caring for parents who contracted COVID-19, while others are doing their grocery shopping and running other errands to ensure they remain COVID-free, Beligotti says. Those responsibilities are likely to continue even after a vaccine is available, presumably next year, and the outbreak has faded. Ninety percent of the adults surveyed expect to provide financial, housing or caregiving support beyond the pandemic."