Family Criticized for Ostracizing Man Suffering 'Mental Breakdown'

A woman and her husband received online support after revealing her family judged him for suffering through a mental health crisis.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/Beautiful-Cut3012, posted about the situation in Reddit's "Am I The A******" forum where it received over 17,400 upvotes and 1,700 comments. The post can be found here.

Supporting Loved Ones

Supporting a family member or loved one through a mental health crisis can be anxiety-inducing, especially if the individual is not receiving support from others.

Ken Duckworth, M.D. and Chief Medical Officer for the National Alliance on Mental Health, told Newsweek it is important for people to put themselves in their loved one's shoes.

"You can ask them what they need or how you can best help them," Duckworth said. "It helps to adjust your language with 'I'm concerned is there anything I can do to help?' and try to listen without judging the situation and don't try to 'fix' it."

Duckworth also said family and friends can benefit from having a better understanding of their loved one's mental illness diagnosis.

By having more information, it becomes easier for individuals to offer support and engage with their loved ones while ensuring that they are listening to their problems.

"It's important to be prepared to talk less and listen more so you're loved one feels heard and validated without judgment," Duckworth said.

But, he added that it is also important to remember that offering this type of support can sometimes be challenging, especially if the loved one is not interested in treatment.

"It's a difficult situation when a family member lacks awareness and denies anything is wrong. It can be easy to mistake this for willful denial," Duckworth said. "It's important to know it could be a symptom of their mental illness, called anosognosia. It might be helpful to get a better understanding of the situation by hearing from someone who has lost awareness, regained it, and can talk about it."

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for telling my niece my husband and I are not going to her birthday because my husband isn't welcome?" the OP said she and her husband have been together for 10 years.

She said her husband suffered "horrific trauma" during childhood, particularly from his father. She said that although he is a "wonderful man" who is great with children, he still suffers from his childhood trauma.

"His parents were married and expecting twins when his mom suffered some kind of hemorrhage and she ended up with eclampsia," the post read. "My husband's mom and twin sister did not make it. But my husband did after a period of time in the NICU. His dad told him it was his fault they died."

He luckily had a good relationship with his grandparents until they died when he was 8 years old—something his father also blamed him for.

"He spent the next 10 years hearing day after day that he was the reason. At no point did he have another person to reassure him it wasn't," the post read. "When we met he had just started to heal. He was away from his dad and attending therapy."

'Started to Unravel'

In January 2020, the OP went to a pregnancy scan with her husband where they learned she miscarried. She said as soon as her husband heard, something "broke" inside.

"He started to unravel. He was in the middle of a mental health crisis," the post read. "He was doing this weird manic laugh that was also a sob. He ran out of the room and I followed after him, concerned."

The OP said her sister is a nurse at the hospital and her mom worked in the gift store and both witnessed the incident.

"Both saw him in this worst moment," the post read. "They saw as medical personnel were forced to intervene because he was in the middle of a breakdown, hysterical and totally out of it. He was totally broken and nothing could reach him."

She said while it was the scariest moment of her life, it was the worst moment of her husband's. Yet, she said her family judged her husband for "laughing" during the incident.

The OP's mom and sister then told the rest of the family about the incident and they also "judged him" regardless of being aware of his mental health history.

"My husband ended up under the care of a psychiatrist who suggested he needed a lot more help than therapy could provide," the post read. "Instead of understanding my family no longer wanted him around."

The family said that a man who would "laugh at his own wife's miscarriage" was not someone they wanted around the children. But she told them that she would not exclude him.

Family Argument

Recently, the OP was invited to her niece's 12th birthday party, her first party since the pandemic. But when her niece called and said she wanted her there, she said she would not be able to attend and apologized.

"She was upset and asked why she never saw us," the post read. "I told her that my husband was not welcome by the other adults in the family anymore. She apparently yelled at her parents and mine."

Now, the OP's family is saying she had "no business" telling her niece and that they are upset with her comment.

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,700 users commented on the post, many supporting the OP for standing by her husband during such a difficult time.

"I respect you for standing with your husband. That was the right move. If they won't welcome both of you, then neither of you attend," one user commented. "As far as telling your niece the truth, I agree with that too. You have nothing to hide. There was nothing inappropriate about revealing this to her. And it sounds like you kept the explanation short."

"Sister's a nurse while mom worked in the little gift store. Both saw. Big violation of privacy if they told family what happened at the hospital. NTA," another commented.

"NTA. That's horrific behaviour [sic] from your sister and mum, especially since they both work in a hospital," another commented.

"No, I don't think that you and your husband should be surrounded by people who totally judge him based on an extreme[ly] vulnerable moment in both of your lives," another commented. "His mental health comes first. I hope you and him are doing better."

"Sister is a nurse, she should have at least a working understanding of the difference between delighted laughter and a mental breakdown, especially given there was other medical intervention happening," another user commented.

"They probably told your niece lies or ignored the issue completely," another commented. "Your family can go kick rocks and I feel so sorry for your loss and your husband's pain at this horrible situation."

Another commented, "12 is generally old enough to start hearing uncomfortable truths about your family. And you didn't spill the beans on the why but said your husband wasn't wanted and you two are a package deal."

Newsweek reached out to u/Beautiful-Cut3012 for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In another viral Reddit post, a man was criticized for shaming his girlfriend's "work ethic" as she dealt with mental health issues. Commenters also bashed a mother for moving her children 18 hours away from family so she could be with her new husband after their dad's death.

One woman received support online for refusing to help her sister take care of their dying dad.