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The internet has slammed a family for banning a teen from visiting their mother's grave as well as not being able to celebrate their birthday.
Posted to Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, a teen under the username u/throwawaydad1112 shared their story in order to get opinions from the "AITA" community. Since it was first published, the viral post has received over 8,000 upvotes and 900 comments.
The Reddit user began their post by explaining that their mother passed away while giving birth to them. Their entire childhood, the family spent their birthday mourning the loss of her.
"My birthday was not allowed to be celebrated or talked about under any circumstances and I never got anything for them. When I got older and understood that most people had a mum and I didn't it upset me a lot, every time I cried about missing her my dad would tell me that I had never met her and that I didn't deserve to miss her," the original poster (OP) wrote.
"Now this is where I am probably the a**hole This year I turned 18 and decided that I would have a birthday party for myself which was just some drinks with friends and going to see a movie. I posted about this on social media and was instantly flooded with messages from my family telling me that I shouldn't celebrate my birthday and that all my family was at my mums grave and that I should've been there (this is something I've been told repeatedly I'm not allowed to visit)," they concluded.
Have you heard people use the word "toxic" when referring to something bad? The term toxic, when referring to a person, means that someone is causing one distress through negative words or actions, per psychcentral.com. Toxicity can come from anyone: family friends or even the workplace. According to Forbes, 80 percent of Americans have encountered emotional abuse.
What are the signs of toxic parenting should you look out for? Via choosingtherapy.com, toxic parents can be abusive in more ways than one including emotional, verbal or physical. These types of parents could put their own needs before their children's, they have controlling behavior, they get jealous easily, and are overall unsupportive.
The Reddit community was stunned, bashing the family for their actions.
"[Not the a**hole]. Your family have punished you for existing for 18 years. They need to process their grief and let it go. It's not okay that they've never celebrated your birthday and it is beyond f**ked up that your father told you that you don't get to be sad about not having a mother because you'd never met her. I'm also outraged that you're banned from visiting her grave. They all need therapy," u/CrystalQueen3000 said, receiving over 14,000 upvotes for their comment.
U/Irishwol wrote, "[Not the a**hole] what your family is doing is abusive. It is very sad that your mother died in childbirth but it is absolutely not your fault in any way. I am so sorry you have been treated so shabbily by those who should love and value you most. I cannot imagine that this is what you're mother would have wanted for you either."
"I want you to know that you absolutely deserve the right to miss her. She wanted you to be here on this earth and if she had survived, like your brothers before you, she would be celebrating your birthday. You and your brothers are her gift to the rest of your family. You do not need their permission to visit your mothers grave. You do not need their permission to celebrate your birthday," u/ficcolo said.
U/TrainingDearest said, "[Not the a**hole] It sounds like they've never seen you as your own person. They have always associated you with your mother and have never really acknowledged your separate existence. That makes each of them the [a**hole]. No mother wishes for her children to be treated so poorly."
"You deserve to be celebrated and loved for yourself and not to have your mothers death glued to your life for all eternity. What happened to her was unfortunate, but you are not to blame and you are not required to suffer for it. Go celebrate your birthday and if they try to shame you: tell them that your mother gave you the gift of life and you honor her by being grateful and thankful for her gift," they continued.
U/throwawaydad1112 spoke to Newsweek about the outpouring of positive messages they've received since their post was published, "I'm just genuinely so shocked about this happening and I'm so astounded by all the love and support for something I just thought was a normal part about me living my life and everyone's made me realise it's not normal and that it's ok to be so upset about everything that's happened."
Update 7/15/2022, 4:06 p.m.: This article has been updated to include comment from the original poster.
About the writer
Ashley Gale is a Newsweek reporter based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Her focus is reporting on trends. She has covered trends, ... Read more