Man Refusing to Host Cousin's Wedding at Family Home Sparks Debate

A post about a man refusing to allow his cousin to host her wedding reception at his inherited property has caused a storm of debate on Reddit, the online forum.

In the post, thehousecga wrote that his grandfather's former home was left to him after he passed away. According to the Redditor, his grandfather "wanted to hand his farm down to a son. He didn't have any and none of my aunts married the type of dudes he liked. So I became the de facto option."

Research shows that the motivations for leaving a material inheritance are complex and "fluctuate on a continuum between conditional donation (strategic exchange, reciprocity) and unconditional donation (altruism), depending on various factors," such as "the quality of family relationships," stated a March 2010 study in the European Journal of Ageing.

An April 2017 study on inheritance and family conflicts in the Families, Relationships and Societies journal said that "asset transfers are of increasing importance for families as a way of transmitting advantages over generations," but "little is known about how inheritance generates disputes, tensions or dissatisfaction among family members..."

According to the Reddit poster, his aunt said the reception of her daughter's wedding will be held at the inherited property.

The user posted that no one had spoken to him about this wedding, while his aunt argued that "every other cousin had their reception there," so "it should be a tradition."

The poster wrote that the others had asked his permission, while this cousin hadn't. "All my other cousins have been good people so I was willing to help. But this cousin and aunt are rude" and "I don't support the wedding."

He wrote that his refusal to allow the use of the property is for a "really legit reason," adding: "This is my cousin's second wedding. I'm not even close with her. We differ politically so I have her muted on social media. I didn't even know she was engaged. Me and this cousin hardly speak.

"Also, this is her second marriage. She cheated on her first husband with this dude. Who was also married at the time. My grandpa would never approve of that or want that on his property."

According to the user, his grandfather was "very old fashioned" and he "especially disliked how my aunts were in their relationships [because] he preached commitment. That man loved and was loyal to my grandma."

The user posted that he's willing to rent the property to his cousin and "she can pay me a premium for the short notice. But I'm not doing it for free."

Bill Gladwell is a hypnosis, influence and persuasion expert/speaker who helps people "communicate effectively" and "ethically influence others." He told Newsweek that, while it's understandable that the poster would not want this wedding at his inherited property, "it is not necessarily wrong of the aunt to assume" that her daughter would be allowed to host the wedding reception there, based on the family tradition.

However, Gladwell added that "it was important for the poster to clearly communicate his boundaries and make it clear that any use of the property must be discussed and agreed upon by him."

Gladwell said it may be helpful for the Redditor to have an "open and honest conversation" with his aunt and cousin about his concerns and boundaries. The poster should "make it clear that while he is happy to support his other cousins in their weddings, he has different feelings about this particular wedding and the couple."

The expert said: "It is important for the poster to stand firm in his decision, but also to be respectful and understanding of his aunt and cousin's feelings. He can try to find a compromise that works for everyone involved. It is ultimately up to the poster to decide what is best for him and his inherited property."

The latest post has divided users on Reddit.

In a comment that got 22,000 upvotes, KimChiDiva wrote that the original poster is using his grandpa's views "as an excuse for not wanting your family to use your home...your aunt sucks for just expecting you to be okay with having a wedding/reception at your house without asking..."

User saidgrouchymonk1517 sided with the original poster, writing: "Why SHOULD he go out of his way for a 2nd cousin he doesn't know well and who didn't even bother asking? Even if the cheating wasn't there, that's enough to say no."

Hector_Hellious88 agreed, posting: "He said [he] isn't close with his cousin and stated the reason is a disagreement in politics. That's a valid reason to not associate with someone...

"He sounds like he just expected some respect and have them ask him permission...the fact he knew nothing of this wedding due to being distant with this person and was just expected to allow her to use his property after he was told last minute, seems like valid reasons why to disregard them...," Hector_Hellious88 added.

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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