Dad Refusing to Ask Toddler Daughter to Apologize to Disabled Kid Praised

A father has been called an "ableist" by his brother and their new girlfriend for his toddler's reaction to the girlfriend's "pre-teen" daughter, who is reportedly disabled.

In the post, user Willing_Mountain_803 describes how tensions ran high at a recent family barbeque. He describes how: "My family were there, specifically, my brother Anthony, M40 and his new girlfriend Sarah, F39. It'd been a while since we all got together, so while I knew about Sarah, I didn't know that Sarah had a daughter, Maisie, who is a pre-teen, I would guess. Maisie has some sort of chromosomal disorder. She is severely disabled, and operates on the same capacity of a baby. She also has quite significant facial deformities."

"Long story short, Tessa was terrified of Maisie, burst into tears, and hid against my wife. We had to take Tessa into another room, as she was getting hysterical, and wouldn't stop babbling about the "monster". Obviously mortifying, and we quickly packed up and left."

Here's the dilemma. "Anthony and Sarah were understandably pissed, and want Tessa to apologize to Maisie. I flat out rejected this... Anthony and Sarah are calling us ableist a**holes."

He argues that instead of causing more upset to anyone, the father would prefer to work with his daughter to get over her fear, rather than make a toddler apologize for being scared: "I am adamant that Tessa did nothing wrong, and has absolutely nothing to apologize for. She's a toddler."

Parenting website Very Well Family suggests: "Don't try to convince your child that someone with a disability is just like they are. Instead, acknowledge that they are a little different, but make it clear that just because someone is different, that doesn't make that person bad."

It recommends making it clear some people are born with disabilities and some develop them, ensuring that your child knows there's nothing ill or wrong with a person with a disability, and making sure they understand the difference between a physical and a cognitive disability.

In a comment with over 15,000 likes, user StrongBlueberry5432 wrote: "NTA. Honestly, toddlers can react like that to able bodied people too. They are simply too young to understand the world or that their actions impact anyone around them."

Ableism

While it's unlikely that a toddler can be accused of treating someone differently due to a disability, ableism is a word we are hearing more and more in today's society.

Ableism is defined by Merriam Webster as the discrimination or prejudice against individuals with disabilities. Chicago-based disability support center Access Living describe ableism through the idea that: "The world wasn't built with people with disabilities in mind, and because of that, the world we live in is inherently 'ableist'."

Access Living describe one way of combating ableism in society is to "talk about disability with children and young people" to create a greater understanding that all people deserve to be treated equally, and there's nothing to be nervous about.

User ArtofRebellion share their own experience: "I've spent a lot of time in Vietnam and as a white, blonde westerner have made a number of Vietnamese babies cry just by my presence."

User mrscatastrophe agreed, "Seeing all those comments I realized kids really get confused by the smallest things and I remembered so many moments again with my smaller siblings. beeing 22 now and the youngest 4 there was some interesting stuff. for example the reaction to a new tattoo on my arm my little sister wouldnt touch it...."

Newsweek reached out to u/Willing_Mountain_803 for comment. We couldn't verify the details of the case.