Fury Over Aunt's 'Spiteful' Fertility Comments to Pregnant Sister-in-Law

Whether it's snooping around your house or questioning your parenting decisions, we've all heard stories of nightmare mother-in-laws. As it turns out, sisters-in-law can also fight dirty, as one Mumsnet user showed.

Sharing her story with the AIBU (Am I Being Unreasonable?) sub-forum on 15 August, user MissEDashwood19 said she was unsure if she was being oversensitive or if her sister-in-law was "deliberately spiteful" about her fertility issues.

A common problem

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), infertility is diagnosed when a couple has been unable to conceive after one year of unprotected sex.

Unfortunately, infertility isn't uncommon, with one in five heterosexual women aged 15 to 49 unable to conceive after a year of trying. One in four women who struggle to conceive also suffer from impaired fecundity, which is difficulty carrying a pregnancy to term.

It is recommended that couples who have not gotten pregnant within a year, or 6 months if the woman is over 35, visit a doctor for advice.

IVF is an option for couples struggling to conceive or are concerned about genetic illnesses. The Mayo Clinic describes IVF as "the most effective form of assisted reproductive technology." This procedure involves mature eggs being removed from the woman and fertilized with the man's sperm in a lab (a donor egg or sperm can also be used). The resulting embryo is inserted into the woman's (or a surrogate's) uterus, with success rates depending on the woman's age and the cause of infertility.

However, IVF is an expensive process, costing between $12,000 and $14,000 per cycle. Add-ons, such as injectable hormones, can push the bill up to $15,000 to $20,000.

'Deeply Upset'

In her post, MissEDashwood19 explained that her sister-in-law has never shown any interest in her son, despite him being her nephew. She "deliberately" ignores the child at family functions, even when he tries to speak to her.

"[He] would say 'Aunty, hello Aunty,'" she wrote. "I would then distract child and tell [him] that Aunty was busy, but never made a big deal of it"

The poster said that after struggling to conceive for two years and undergoing fertility treatment, she is pregnant for a second time. The process involved major surgery and IVF, and the couple shared their experiences with family during the "distressing" time. She wondered if her sister-in-law might be secretly dealing with her own fertility issues, which could explain her behavior towards her nephew. However, the sister-in-law just announced her own pregnancy.

"I became pregnant again and SIL never acknowledged the pregnancy at all," she said. No word of congratulations to either my DH [darling husband] or me, absolute silence. We live very near one another, so plenty of opportunity to say something in person too.

"She became pregnant a couple of months after me, my [mother-in-law] shared the news with the family. I tried to ring SIL (she didn't pick up) so sent her a heartfelt congratulatory message which she did acknowledge."

When she next saw her sister-in-law in person, their conversion "deeply upset" the poster.

She said: "She went out of her way to tell me she had conceived immediately with no issues and that she wouldn't be having any unnecessary tests or interventions like some women (I did the NIPT test and had an epidural with my first - both of which she knows).

"The whole conversation deeply upset me. My husband said I'm being oversensitive and my best friend thinks the comments were deliberate and spiteful. How should I handle this moving forward?"

Mumsnet users agreed the sister-in-law's comments were intended to hurt, with lamaze1 calling it a "deliberate dig."

"As she knows your history YANBU [you are not being unreasonable]," she wrote. "Do you get on generally, or are relations strained?"

GoldenGorilla agreed, commenting: "No way all of that is accidental. I wouldn't confront her about it, just bear in mind she's not a nice person."

While NoSquirrels said: "She sounds unpleasant. But as to how you handle it, rising above would be the best thing to do.

"She can't be in a competition with you if you don't allow her to be."

Newsweek wasn't able to verify the details of this case.