Woman Regifting Boyfriend's $1K Laptop to Sister Slammed: 'Appreciation'

A Reddit post about a woman who gave a gift that was meant for her boyfriend to sister instead because he "didn't appreciate" it has sparked debate on Reddit, the online forum.

In a post shared on Reddit's Am I The A****** (AITA) subforum, user No_Replacement_8458 said she'd decided to surprise her boyfriend with "a brand new laptop" for Christmas because he had been "complaining about his laptop for a while" and "expressed the desire to upgrade to a newer model."

Given that the main issue with his current laptop was the speed, the user thought "it would be fitting to get him the same model that he had (MacBook Pro), just the latest version...I'm not a tech person...I just assumed a $1,300 laptop would be more than enough for his needs. So I bought the laptop, without doing any more research into it."

When she gave the laptop to her boyfriend at Christmas, "he was so excited" until he saw its specifications. "He was really, really disappointed because he 'couldn't get his work done on such a slow machine'...he said he would rather return the laptop and get the one he wanted," the user wrote.

So the original poster decided to "re-gift" the laptop to her sister, who's a college student and "could really use a laptop like this."

The user said: "I know it may sound selfish, but I didn't think it was fair that he didn't appreciate my gift, and I wanted to make sure the laptop went to someone that would actually appreciate it."

According to the user, her boyfriend allegedly "does not understand why I wouldn't just return it and get him the one he wanted" and "cannot believe I would do something so selfish when I know how much he needs a new laptop."

"I feel kind of bad, but at the same time, this wasn't cheap for me, and a little appreciation would have been nice," the user said.

While the user in the latest Reddit post regifted a present that was first given to another person, according to Merriam-Webster, to regift is "to give someone a gift that was previously received from someone else."

The findings of an October 2012 study in the peer-reviewed journal Psychological Science found that "participants who imagined regifting a gift (receivers) thought that the original giver would be more offended than participants who imagined that their gifts were regifted (givers) reported feeling.

"Specifically, receivers viewed regifting as similar in offensiveness to throwing gifts away, yet givers clearly preferred the former...givers believed that the act of gift giving passed title to the gift on to receivers, so that receivers were free to decide what to do with the gift; in contrast, receivers believed that givers retained some say in how their gifts were used."

According to the results of an American Express survey reported in December 2019 by Next Avenue, a nonprofit publication, "regifting is an increasingly acceptable practice," with most Americans (73 percent) believing "it's okay to recycle a gift."

Fereshta Ramsey, a relationship educator at The Relationship School, told Newsweek that the Reddit poster wanted to do something special for her boyfriend and feel appreciated for it, while her boyfriend needed a speedy laptop for work. "Essentially, both of their needs are valid but it doesn't sound like they are empathizing with each other very well."

When conflicts such as this come up, it's best to "slow down, sit face to face, show up as a teammate, and tend to each other's feelings."

If this couple had the communication skills to "share vulnerably and hear each other," both of their needs would be met, according to Ramsey.

The relationship expert said: "Re-gifting the laptop to her sister and not giving her boyfriend the option to pay for the upgrade, sounds like protest behavior (read: passive-aggressive) and is an unskillful attempt to communicate instead of speaking up for herself."

Bill Gladwell, a hypnosis, influence and persuasion expert/speaker who helps people "communicate effectively" and "ethically influence others," told Newsweek: "Both parties could have handled the situation better."

He said the boyfriend's "reaction and insistence" on returning the gift may have been "unreasonable," because the poster had taken the time to listen to her boyfriend and his complaints about his current laptop and made an effort to surprise him with a new one.

It would have been "more considerate" for the boyfriend to "express his gratitude for the thought and effort put into the gift, even if it was not exactly what he wanted."

However, the original poster's decision to regift the laptop may have also not been the most thoughtful solution. "It may have been more appropriate to communicate her feelings and come to a resolution together rather than make a rash decision that could potentially damage their relationship," Gladwell said.

Several users on Reddit criticized the original poster and were more understanding of the boyfriend.

In a comment that got 29,600 upvotes, 0biterdicta said: "YTA [you're the a******] Your boyfriend sounds like he was appreciative of your gift, but he needed a machine that can do what he needs it too...the correct action would have been returning the laptop and allowing him to put the money towards a machine that fits his needs. Not to mention, once you gift something—it doesn't belong to you anymore. It was his laptop and you took it to gift to your sister."

User saltyeleven said: "Yea at the least he could have exchanged it and paid the difference. OP [original poster] just decided if he wasn't keeping this exact one that he doesn't get it period. That's a bit extreme. YTA," in a comment that got 1,200 upvotes.

In a comment that received 2,400 upvotes, user amaraame said: "Also, op [openly] states to doing no groundwork before purchasing but then complains that she did her best and bf [boyfriend] should be happy. For the thought to count, you should put in some thought op."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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