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The internet is backing a woman—despite her fears that she's in the wrong for wishing her sister wasn't pregnant for the fifth time.
Writing for Reddit's popular r/AmITheA**hole forum, u/Pale_Arachnid_8452 earned over 10,700 upvotes and over 1,500 comments for her post, "[Am I the A**hole] For not being happy that my sister is pregnant AGAIN?"
She says that her sister was first pregnant shortly after graduating high school, and married her husband the following year. Since then, she's had four children by 24, and just announced that a fifth is on the way.
"She's a stay at home mom even though she was brilliant and could have gotten a free ride to a great University," u/Pale_Arachnid_8452 wrote. "Since hers are the only grandkids, our parents fawn over her like she's the next coming of Christ. They gush over over every new tooth or haircut like it's some huge achievement."
Unfortunately both her sister's husband and her parents are facing money troubles, especially since the sister doesn't have a job of her own.
"So guess who's constantly being told to 'lend' them money for shit like school fees, car seat, car payment, new stroller, etc. They don't even ask! My mom just texts me 'your sister needs $X.XX for the kids' and I'm supposed to cough up. If I complain, they accuse me of being jealous because I don't have a husband and family even though I'm older," she said, adding that she's only older by two years.
When u/Pale_Arachnid_8452 saw her family over Easter, she noticed her sister wasn't drinking—and sure enough, it's because she's pregnant. Though the rest of the family was excited, she stayed quiet. Later, when her sister asked if she was all right, she hemmed and hawed, but then asked if she and her husband could afford having another child.
"She very snippily replies 'God will provide like he has so far,' which really pissed me off. I yelled that no, actually god didn't provide for her babies, I did, and I wasn't going to giving them any more handouts," she said.
The event turned into a family row, and she says she's "been banned" from seeing her family until she apologizes—which she hasn't done. Since Easter, the only text from her family came from her mom, who told her that if there's a miscarriage, it's her fault for stressing her sister.
"I don't think I'm [the a**hole] but I don't want to be the reason she miscarries. Also, I think I might be [the a**hole] because secretly I think it would be better if she did even though I wouldn't say that to her," she said.
Though there's no legal requirement for someone to be forced to care for a sibling, according to ElderLawNet, there are often familial politics involved. Most experts say that siblings should be treated the same by parents, regardless of age. When the scales aren't even, resentments can fester even years after the original slight, according to The Guardian.
The difference between siblings' wealth has increased in the last decade. Psychotherapist Janna Malamud Smith told MoneySense that she has more clients with problems related to a sibling's wealth than ever before in her 35 year career. This can often result in animosity, with the poorer sibling feeling like the richer one is flaunting their wealth or is judging them for "poor decisions" that didn't result in success.
Though u/Pale_Arachnid_8452 feared she was wrong for feeling the way she did, her fellow Redditors assured her she was not.
"NTA and the next time your mom says oh your sister needs $$ and you need to give it to them just say 'no, sister said God will provide so I'm giving him a turn," u/kiwii82 wrote in the top comment, with 23,000 upvotes.
"Also, stress doesn't cause miscarriages. OP should remind mom of that anytime a text like that comes in. If stress caused miscarriage, there's never be high school teen mom's (cause nobody is getting pregnant at <18 and NOT stressed AF about it) and there's probably be no mom's in general (all the pregnant women I've ever known have been stressed to some degree during pregnancy. Even the ones with easy, planned pregnancies)," u/BabyCowGT wrote.
"My mom found out my bio dad had stage 3 lung cancer. While pregnant with me and my twin sister, and then had to pack up and move overnight 14 hours away for his treatments while dealing with her own medical issues (kidney stuff) and didn't miscarry. If THAT won't cause enough stress to miscarriage, an argument with your sister won't," u/MadMe8 agreed.
"[Not the A**hole]. Please stop giving her money. I'd suggest blocking these entitled people as well. Enjoy the ban from family (I mean that quite seriously, it will be cheaper and much less stressful if you just enjoy it.)," u/DuckInMyHeart wrote. "If they ever contact you for money again, say no but also if you know how much you've already given/lent say either 'I've already given sister $xxxx, I'm not giving her anymore, but I'm sure you'd be happy to help her out.' Or 'sister still owes me $xxxx from before, I'm not lending her money ever again because she doesn't pay me back. If you want to lend her money, go ahead.'"
Newsweek reached out to u/Pale_Arachnid_8452 for comment.
About the writer
Matt Keeley is a Newsweek editor based in Seattle. His focus is reporting on trends and internet culture. He has ... Read more