Gran Demanding Daughter to Pay Her for Childcare During Trip Splits Opinion

A woman has been criticized online for using her mother as childcare. In a post on Mumsnet, user WatermelonSugarRainbow wrote: "I am one of three siblings, my sister is a single mother and my brother (much younger, single) holds an ok job. My parents and siblings live in a small town whilst I moved to London to study and work (20 years ago). I'm the only one in the family to go to uni and hold a 'professional' job."

She goes on to describe: "Over the years, I've always treated my mum and siblings - I would take my mum shopping (cashmere jumpers, linen dresses, perfumes, new mobile phones, and even a laptop). I took her to Barcelona (all paid long weekend) for her 60th birthday. I'd also take my family out for dinners (to the pub or pizza express - nothing too fancy) and pick up the bill knowing that they were not able to afford it, but I just wanted to spend time with them/strengthen our bond."

She relates a specific situation where she ended up paying for an entire holiday cottage for her mum and sister, as according to her mum: "It was too expensive for my sister because she's a single mum (even though she agreed to the cost previous to that). I must admit my dp (Darling Partner) was very angry about this whole situation.

"After having my second, I asked if my mum would help me with childcare and nursery drop-offs and pick-ups. I suggested she moves in with us until my son is ready to start nursery (at 2 years old). She asked that I pay her for childcare and we agreed that I would pay her £500 a month whilst covering her food, accommodation etc."

She goes on to say that despite her and her husband having well-paid jobs, they have huge monthly outgoings in the form of, "Mortgage on an expensive house (good area/schools etc.), car loan, student loans (about to be paid off) and credit card debt that we used when we were decorating the house, so £500 per month for childcare is not an insignificant amount for us but it's obviously less than nursery and we agreed because we felt that she was the best person to look after dc (Darling Child) to give us a piece of mind.

"Fast forward to now, we booked and paid for her to come on holiday in Spain (first in 2 yrs) to help with childcare and she agreed to that. She's asked my brother to join us in the villa. (I agreed that me and my brother split the villa cost for my mum evenly). On day one of the holiday, both my dp and ds became ill, that's when she told me she was 'on holiday' and wasn't going to help. On day 4, my brother demanded we give him money back as he would/should not pay for my mum. He accused me of ripping him off, took out a hammer, and threatened to damage the villa, I ended up asking him to leave and gave him all his money back for his share (£400) even though it was already halfway through the holiday, as I didn't feel safe having him around.

"My mum took his side and demanded that I pay her for childcare in June (I haven't yet done so, as she 'took 2 weeks off' to go back to her house and only came back to catch a flight with us) she then told me she no longer wanted to look after my children and accused me of being ungrateful and 'not generous' with my family when I said I've spent so much money on this holiday paying for everyone."

Finally, she asks: "I owe her money (£250), should I just give her the money I owe her, or should I 'deduct' all the cost for 'gifts' (£450) plus the cost of the holiday villa and flights (£500) - meaning we would be all square? Am I being unreasonable deducting gifts and holidays?"

Users were critical in the comments with one writing: "I think you're being unreasonable. It sounds a bit as if you've taken advantage of your mom here. I'm not sure where else you'd get a live-in nanny for £500 a month. The poor woman has uprooted herself to look after your kids and you were going to deduct money when she wanted a break?"

While another wrote: "None of you sound great tbh. They take advantage and it sounds as if you do as well by wanting to buy everyone. Send your mother home and get proper childcare. No more extravagant gifts and let your relationship develop naturally."

The results of research undertaken by Age UK suggest that 40% of grandparents over 50 years old regularly look after their grandchildren, with one in ten of them doing so at least once a day, saving the economy over £4 billion a year.