'Hostility': Couple Slammed for Forcing Kids to See Dad's Partner as Mother

Members of a popular internet forum defended one woman who refused to encourage her sons to treat their father's new girlfriend as a motherly figure.

In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Isiimi (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she shares custody of her 10 and 12-year-old sons with her ex and detailed how his colleague-turned-lover has wreaked havoc on the former couple's co-parenting arrangement.

Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for not correcting my kids who told my ex's wife [that] she's not their mother?" the post has received more than 10,000 upvotes in the last ten hours.

Writing that she separated from her ex due to "a number of issues," the original poster had long been wary of one of his work colleagues, "Emily," and after the split was official, her suspicions were confirmed.

However, after her ex's new partner realized the two boys would never see her as a second mother, the original poster said the situation soured quickly—so much so that legal authorities became involved.

"My ex got a firm warning from the judge about using Emily to do exchanges of our boys," OP wrote. "This was after her confronting me a number of times...in front of my children and of her showing not just hostility, but saying things that could be taken as alienation of a parent."

Despite a judge-issued order to keep her away from exchanges, however, the original poster also said that recently, she and her sons were asked to transform their perception of Emily in a major way.

"Emily is unable to have children and she wanted the boys to consider her a mom," OP wrote. "They asked me for help and I said nope."

"[Then] the boys had an award night back at the start of June at school and while there, Emily told the boys to get in photos with her for the school newsletter," OP continued. "They said she wasn't their mom."

"Ex and Emily said I should have backed them up and not allowed disrespect," OP added. "They...claimed I was a s**tty parent and I should not have let my kids get away with that."

Last year, data published by Smart Stepfamilies indicated that 40 percent of married couples with children in the U.S. are stepcouples, with at least one partner bringing along a child from a previous relationship.

For millions of children, this means adjusting to unfamiliar parental authorities, living arrangements and extreme tension between separated parents and new spouses with unknown motives.

Though some stepparents practice patience and allow both children and their external parent to ease into the relationship, others force the issue, demanding to be treated with parental respect while sliding into a role that was never meant for them.

Across the internet, numerous parenting websites have examined the dynamics between parents and their stepparent counterparts, usually reaching the consensus that the children involved are most important, and that their wellbeing should be prioritized above all else.

But in some cases, children are used as pawns in a battle fueled by jealousy and a seeming need to control the dynamic between coparenting exes.

In these types of situations, Moms.com asserts that biological parents reserve the right to shield their kids from stepparents with toxic intentions, noting that stepparents rarely have any legal right to make decisions for children that aren't theirs.

Throughout her viral Reddit post, the original poster said she shut down multiple attempts by her ex's new partner to commandeer her role as mother, and pointed to Emily's hostile behavior as justification for not encouraging her children to see her as a motherly figure at all.

"Emily was not the mother of my children and I wasn't going to encourage them to consider her one after the years of verbal abuse from her," OP wrote.

Redditors responding to the viral post defended this stance, and called out the original poster's ex and new partner for forcing the two boys to view a woman that isn't their mother as such.

"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/HistoricalInaccurate wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 13,000 upvotes. "They stated facts."

"Also hilarious that they are compliant about not showing disrespect," they continued. "Because honestly, your boys' mental health is going to be continuously harmed by those two [a**holes]."

Redditor u/semcg, whose comment has received more than 3,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment.

"[Not the a**hole]," they assured. "Weird how its disrespecting women when your kids don't want to [do] something, but it's not disrespecting women when [Emily] is openly hostile to you."

"She's not their mother and they aren't substitutes or stand ins," Redditor u/CrystalQueen3000 added, receiving more than 1,000 upvotes. "They're 10 and 12, and all she and your ex are going to do is alienate them and permanently damage their relationship with your boys."

"It sounds like Emily wasn't that nice to your kids either and now suddenly that it's useful to her she...wants to build a relationship with them," Redditor u/ColdstreamCapple chimed in. "Sounds like that ship has sailed long ago and I don't blame the kids for not liking her."

Newsweek reached out to u/Isiimi for comment.