My Cheating Husband Is Kicking Me Out of Our House—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I've been married for 18 years (19 in November) and 16 years ago, we decided that I would stay home with the kids to make my husband's work life easier. It was hard for him to get time off for doctor's appointments, school functions, sick days, summer etc. I have done all of this plus take care of the house, but I did sacrifice having any sort of job or career.

A few years ago, I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and had a hip injury (which turned out to be degenerative bone disorder). Cleaning and cooking has become harder and harder for me so the house and cooking have just not happened. I have begged for help from him but he is too busy, so I try to do as much as I possibly can. This was possibly my downfall.

Over the years he has entered into several online-only relationships. I have caught him, he has apologized and said he'd never do it again so, we move on. Most recently there was one about two years ago with a mom on a baseball team he coached and our kid was on.

This weekend, he told me he's not happy anymore and wants me to leave. He claims there is not another woman. I have no family, no job, no money and three kids. I live in Texas, which is not an alimony state.

Are there any resources or anything I can to do? I have not left the house. It's the only thing I could afford if I could get a job since our housing market has gone out-of-control high. I have applied for hundreds of jobs. It's a tough market in a large city and me being out of the workforce so long.

Mother of three, Texas.

Pick Up the Phone and Have a Free Consultation

Holly Davis is a founding partner of the Austin, Texas-based law firm Kirker Davis.

Texas Law can absolutely help this wife. Any family lawyer in her town can tell her about several important parts of divorce that can assist her.

First, when someone has been the stay-at-home spouse for a majority of the marriage, they can ask for a disproportionate split of the parties' community estate to account for the significant difference between what she could make by getting a job post-divorce versus what her husband has been able to earn over the course of their marriage. While the divorce is unfolding and the parties are negotiating, she qualifies for all of her reasonable and necessary living expenses and attorney's fees to be paid by her husband, so that he is effectively preserving the financial status quo for her during their divorce.

She also doesn't have to leave the house—during the divorce, she can request the court to order her husband to leave since he has a job and the ability to earn income and she does not. After divorce, she may qualify for post-divorce payments which are called spousal maintenance here in Texas, and these payments are designed to help her get back on her feet after a divorce if what she has in the divorce cannot provide for her minimum monthly needs post-divorce.

Going through the process of divorce is difficult, but for women who have been stay-at-home mothers or spouses who support their breadwinning spouse's work efforts for decades, it is a change for them to think independently and seek out independent legal advice. Oftentimes they are so used to accommodating or ultimately not challenging their spouse's position, even when it is against their financial interest in a divorce.

She simply needs to pick up the phone and have a free consultation or hourly consultation with any divorce lawyer in her area and they can help her learn what rights she has in this process of divorce. She will likely find that empowering herself with this information will give her the tools to ensure that she is taken care of during and after the break up.

Please Don't Try To Navigate This Alone

Chloe Carmichael is a clinical psychologist and the author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety as well as Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.

I'm so sorry to hear you have endured what sounds like an unsupportive marriage, health problems and now potentially a difficult divorce.

A strong support network is key to mental health. Definitely speak with a good divorce attorney. Although you may not be eligible for alimony, you may be eligible for special consideration of community property due to your lifelong status as a full-time homemaker. Separately, you may qualify for disability or job assistance programs depending on your illness.

Aside from the financial perspective, I urge you to build a relationship with your clergy person, a counselor, a divorce support group, or some other resource that will help emotionally as you recover from the past and begin the next chapter of your life. You may also want to ask your doctor if there is a support group for degenerative bone disorder—If the doctor is unaware, try Googling the phrase "degenerative bone disorder" along with "online support group" as well as your zip code. I did a quick search and in moments discovered this one that meets online every month, but I urge you to do a search as well.

Whatever you do, please don't try to navigate this alone. Your instinct to write in asking for support was a good one. It shows a healthy awareness that you realize the need for support. Even if getting to local appointments as difficult because of your illness, there are many ways to connect with others online.