🎙️ Voice is AI-generated. Inconsistencies may occur.
I first began the site which would become The Ex-Boyfriend List in 1997 when I was living in Tulsa, Oklahoma, but I didn't know that it would become what it is today. At the time, my little sister was going through a breakup and as a way of empowering her, I jokingly suggested that I start a website titled Men Suck. Back then, it was a small space for women to speak about their problems. They would write in and I would answer their questions, offering them any relationship advice I could. Originally, the reason for starting this website was to give other women a platform to express themselves, as long as they did not share personal details like their ex-partner's address.
A lot of women want to be heard; they want a community of other women to listen to and understand them, and that's what I wanted to offer. As the years went on, I re-branded the website and called it Girl Power Girl Strong, because the website was not about diminishing men, it was about empowering women.
I grew up with five wonderful nieces and I used to always tell them entertaining stories about my love life. Whilst I was going through my divorce in 2012, they suggested that I write my stories down. That's how my first romance novel came about. It was very cathartic for me; I loved being able to make up a fantasy world for myself and other women, whereby everybody had a happily ever after.
Shortly after I had published my first novel, somebody reached out to me, asking me what happens next in the story. It was so sweet. The fact that someone cared about what I had written touched me. Although I spoke to women every day on the Girl Strong Girl Power website, I was shocked that my fictional story had reached somebody. This prompted me to write several other novels throughout the years.
As I was writing these books, I was also writing back to the women on the website who would post letters of things they had been through, and that's when Girl Power Girl Strong began to expand further; it became global.
The section titled The Ex-Boyfriend List has been compared to Trip Advisor because women are able to rate the men that they have been with, based on how these men have treated them in relationships. They also provide their full name and the state or city that they live in. This wasn't the intention of the website to begin with, but as it expanded, women began to warn other women of what to look out for, and who to not date.
My intention was not to turn the website into a review system but to allow women to tell their stories. That's why I do not edit what they have written unless it includes hate speech or personal details like the address or phone number of the person.
For example, one woman wrote a 4,000-word essay on her boyfriend. Without realizing it, she had written her own book about her relationship and I found that amazing. Even if no one read it, the fact that she got to tell her story made her feel more empowered.
Over the years, The Ex-Boyfriend List has also kept women safe. I found out that a guy took inappropriate pictures of his wife without her consent whilst she was asleep. He then posted them on the internet. When this woman found out after her divorce, she took to The Ex-Boyfriend List to express her shock. She wrote her ex-husband's name and the state that he was from. Sometime later, another woman began to date the same guy. She found out that he was also trying to take pictures of her whilst she was asleep by visiting the website. Due to his name, surname, and location being visible, she was able to realize that she was dating the same guy.
When I first started the website, I had an entry from an underage girl in regards to her brother doing inappropriate things to her. As soon as the entry came in, I attempted to delete it as the girl was underage, it was a very serious issue and I did not want her to be exposed to anything that may have negatively influenced her. But a kind lady had already responded to this young girl, advising her what to do safely and calmly. She came up with a plan for the young girl that included telling her parents. Looking back, I feel that posting on our website may have saved this young girl.
The women on The Ex-Boyfriend List rarely post their real names as they are afraid that they may be found, threatened, or harmed. But we also give men the chance to post their entries and tell their stories, too, though we rarely see that.
When we were featured on a big news outlet in September 2022, we began getting a large number of submissions; 300 in two days. This was both exciting and shocking. But still, it is my job to look through these submissions, because I now approve them before they are to be posted on our website so that I can create a safe environment for everyone.
Girl Power Girl Strong has helped me a lot throughout the years. When I was in my marriage, I did not see the red flags or warning signs, but listening to countless women over the years has allowed me to spot them more easily. I am so grateful to every one of the women who has contributed to the site, I love that I get to be a part of all of their lives. The internet is amazing and letting women tell their stories is never a bad thing. We want to give women a safe space to tell their stories, we do not want to diminish men.
I'm more independent and ruthless with my own stories. When I wrote my first novel, I originally wanted it to end differently. But some people kept advising me to end it in a certain way that I wasn't too comfortable with, but I listened to them. Ten years later, I gathered the confidence to realize that I did not have to follow what anyone says; it was and is my book, my story, and my life. As a woman, I feel that's really important. So, in 2022, I re-edited the very first book and I'm re-releasing that with a whole new section whereby the heroine has her ending exactly the way I had always wanted.
Tracy Tegan is an author and founder of the initiative Girl Power Girl strong. She has also created The Ex-Boyfriend list, allowing women from all over the world to share their concerns and red flags in regard to their former partners. You can find her on Instagram here.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Carine Harb.
