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Growing up, I always knew that I was adopted. My adoptive parents told me my birth parents were young and in love and weren't able to take care of me, so they placed me up for adoption. I didn't realize it, but this story was the farthest thing from the truth.
I always wanted to meet my biological mother. In my mind, I thought I'd have a fairytale ending, whereby I would meet her, wrap my arms around her, and tell her how much I loved her.
After leaving high school in 1992, I joined the United States military for eight years. I then became a medic and a firefighter. Looking back, I've always been working on the front lines trying to help and serve my country.
When I was 37, after having children of my own, I had the urge to finally reconnect with my birth mom. But I didn't have a piece of paper that pointed me to where she was.
I stumbled upon her details because my community in Ohio was very small, so people knew who she was. I then called the 411 information service to get my birth mom's details and called her to tell her that I was her daughter.
Talking to my mother for the first time
In February 2011, I spoke to my birth mom for the first time.
One of the first comments that she made was: "I've been waiting for your call." She said she knew that this day would come; she had prayed for it. She told me that on my birthday every year, she would bake a birthday cake in remembrance of me.
I felt loved; it brought a smile to my face knowing that she had been waiting so long to meet me, too.
Connecting with my birth mom was a dream come true, but that day became one of the best and worst days of my life. My birth mom explained why she had abandoned me, and it was not the story that I had been told while growing up.
In August of 1972, when she was 17 years old, my birth mom was brutally attacked, raped, and left on the side of a road. She hid for the course of her pregnancy and gave birth to me in April 1973.
Two hours after I was born, she gave me away. It was devastating to hear.
After my birth mom's shocking news, I had to do some work on myself, to find my worth and my purpose on earth. I've always been a Christian, but during that time, I was distracted. So, I decided to rekindle my faith in God.
I soon began to realize that my job all along was to help vulnerable women who were going through the same situation as my birth mom.
An idea that changed it all
I spent a lot of time with my birth mom and I got to know her more. In December 2013, I was asked to speak at a conference in Cape Town, South Africa, with a friend. I wanted to talk about my story to bring light to the fact that there are women that find themselves in a crisis, which can lead to them abandoning their child.
We can't judge these women or shame them for dealing with it in a way that they feel is appropriate.
On the last day of that trip, I was at a church in Cape Town and I walked past a door that had a device called a 'Baby Safe' in it. I was very intrigued by what it was so I asked around.
I was told that it was a baby safe designed for women to give their children up in the late hours of the night so that they didn't have to face anybody. A lot of these women fear prosecution, judgment, and shame from their communities, so, having a baby safe at that church was a way for them to be able to save their child's life.
As a firefighter and a medic, I knew that the Safe Haven law in Indiana allows children under 30 days old to be surrendered at a designated place such as a hospital or a fire station, with no questions asked. But I had never seen anything like a baby safe before.
On the flight back from Cape Town to Georgia, I began to hand-draw my version of a baby safe on a napkin.
My idea was to create baby boxes across the U.S. so that mothers who are afraid to approach people in person can surrender their babies safely, as there are horrific cases where, in a moment of crisis, these mothers may leave their children in trash cans or at the side of a road.
A few years later, in 2015, I turned my business into a registered nonprofit organization and in April 2016, we launched our very first baby box in Indiana.
How baby boxes work
My team and I designed and built a safe that mimics a baby neonatal intensive care unit. It is placed on the side of firehouses, hospitals, and other safe havens. A parent can walk up to a baby box if they want to surrender their child, and as soon as they open the door, 911 receives an immediate call. When the parent places their child inside the baby box, a second alarm triggers another 911 call, in case the first call fails.
Once the baby is placed inside and the door is shut, the baby box automatically locks so that no one can come behind this parent and take the baby in the two to three minutes that it will take the firefighters to retrieve the baby. The box is heated and on the inside, there's a medical bassinet.
The average time for a baby to be collected from a baby box is two minutes. The longest a child has ever been in one of our baby boxes is four minutes and 20 seconds. These boxes are very advanced and the technology that we use assures that babies are only left in the box for only a few minutes. We also have resources available for the parent, such as counseling services and medical care; but that's only if they choose to reach out to us.
Bringing this idea to the U.S. was an uphill battle for me, as my mission was to get people to understand that placing a baby in a box is a good thing if the alternative is a dumpster or a trash can. It's a choice for a parent so that they don't do something that they may regret for the rest of their lives, like potentially harming their child through abandonment.
So far, we have baby boxes in nine different states. In 2022, eight babies were surrendered in our baby boxes in Indiana alone. So, people are seeing the value of, and need for, what we are doing.
Our website contains all of the locations where a parent can find a baby box. So far, we have over 135 active boxes in the U.S., and the Google Maps link on our website can directly guide any parent to the nearest baby box.
Although we have 135 baby boxes, every hospital in America is a Safe Haven location. So, if there is not a baby box in this parent's area, they can still utilize the Safe Haven law by walking into a hospital and physically handing their child to a person.
It's also okay for parents to change their minds. In 2022, we helped a parent who surrendered her child and wanted them back. In a moment of crisis, we do not want a parent to harm or injure their child, so it was good that they had placed them in a baby box.
We support the reunification of these children if the parent is healthy and stable. So, this parent united with her child again, after proving that she had a place to live, she is healthy, and not of any harm to the child.
Many people are against baby boxes. Some have said that they don't like the fact that many of the kids being surrendered may not know their heritage, ethnicity, or medical information.
But I always remind people that the alternative could be these parents putting their child in a dumpster.
Baby boxes are very important
A few years ago, a parent chose to surrender her child in a baby box and then reached out to us 21 days later for free counseling sessions and medical care.
Over time, she became a very good friend of mine. One day, out of curiosity, I asked her why she didn't hand her child to one of the firefighters, and why she utilized our baby boxes instead. I was very curious to know her answer, and it was so profound that I have never been able to forget it since.
She said, "I didn't want someone talking me out of a decision that took me so long to make."
That was powerful to hear. This woman is now a volunteer at our organization and she advocates for Safe Haven Baby Boxes.
I stand on the front lines of the Safe Haven Baby Boxes movement, trying to protect abandoned children because I have been in their shoes. My heart is also with the parents because my birth mom had no one to walk alongside her all those years ago.
I believe that my life was saved by my birth mom, so that today, I may be able to save others.
Monica Kelsey is the founder of Safe Haven Baby Boxes. You can find out more about her here.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.
Do you have a unique experience or personal story to share? Email the My Turn team at myturn@newsweek.com
