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Thousands of internet commenters rushed to the defense of one woman who called out her boyfriend's joblessness in front of his family.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/Throwaway2356110 (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said a disagreement about purchasing a home spilled over into a family gathering, prompting her to put her disgruntled partner back in his place.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole]: for my response when my boyfriend brought up the apartment [purchase]/ownership in front of his family?" the post has received more than 15,500 upvotes and 2,000 comments in the last ten hours.
Beginning with the disclaimer that it's difficult to get her boyfriend to "open up about what bothers him," the original poster said the two get along well but detailed one of his most "unreasonable" tendencies.
"He doesn't cook [because] he's worried I won't like his food but still cooks for himself," OP wrote. "He doesn't do most chores, saying he's worried he might break/damage something."
Beyond cooking and cleaning, however, the original poster and her boyfriend recently reached a more complicated impasse. Noting that she began putting away money in 2015 to buy an apartment, OP said she is finally ready to make the purchase—much to the dismay of her unemployed partner.
"He started complaining about how bad he feels about seeing me buy the apartment myself without having him contribute," OP wrote. "He got so worked up and gave me [two] options...put his name on the title, [or] not buy the apartment 'til marriage so it'll become a 'shared marital asset.'"
After refusing both options, the original poster said the issue was dropped, only to be picked back up again in front of a larger audience.
"At his family's house, I was taken aback when he started complaining about the apartment," OP wrote. "He feels like there's a 'huge power imbalance' here, and that he can't bring himself to accept it.
"I snapped and said 'the reason you feel like you contribute nothing is because you literally contribute nothing and I suggest you fix that by actually finding a job and having a decent income,'" OP continued. "He glanced at me then got up and walked away.
"[His mom] then basically started shaming [me] for my 'statement' and hinted about financial abuse and control over her son," OP added.
Even the happiest of couples are not immune to arguments over money and financial decisions.
In 2019, researchers at the University of Tennessee found that couples, regardless of happiness level and fulfillment within their relationship, regularly disagree on numerous similar topics, including children, in-laws, intimacy and money.
Most often stemming from large salary gaps, partners operating in separate tax brackets often find themselves at odds—sometimes because of clashing spending habits, and sometimes because of perceived power imbalances based solely on who has the bigger bank account.
To mitigate conflict in these types of lopsided relationships, Marriage.com recommends that couples be open with each other about their finances, budget together and discuss all prospects before making any final decisions.
For financial transparency to be effective, however, both partners must cooperate and communicate clearly, instead of bottling up emotions and letting them fly in front of friends and family.
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors commended the original poster for standing her ground against her boyfriend and accused the unemployed 27-year-old of employing "weaponized incompetence" as a strategy to get whatever he wants.
"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/Dis_Is_Hooman wrote in the post's top comment, which has received more than 26,000 upvotes. "Sounds a lot like weaponized incompetence.
"He brought it up in front of his family to get momma to back him...he sounds like a bit of a leech," they added. "For what reason does he want his name on the title if he hasn't put money into it?"
Redditor u/serume, whose comment has received nearly 9,000 upvotes, echoed that sentiment and warned the original poster about her boyfriend's potential intentions.
"[Not the a**hole]," they wrote. "Have you heard the phrase 'weaponized incompetence?'
"It's a definite red flag with the apartment," they added.
"Take the apartment, lose the [boyfriend]," Redditor u/Ambitious-Battle8091 chimed in, receiving more than 4,000 upvotes.
In a separate comment, which has received nearly 7,000 upvotes, Redditor u/seahorse8021 wondered aloud why the original poster is with her boyfriend in the first place.
"He doesn't cook, clean, or have a job," they wrote. "Why are you with him?"
Newsweek reached out to u/Throwaway2356110 for comment.
About the writer
Taylor McCloud is a Newsweek staff writer based in California. His focus is reporting on trending and viral topics. Taylor ... Read more