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A woman is seeking the internet's advice after a less-than-smooth first visit to meet her boyfriend's parents.
In the now-viral post to the subreddit "Am I The A**hole," user Sea-Tangerine-4123 said that because of COVID she was unable to visit her boyfriend's parents in the U.S. She said the two met in Paris and have been living together for the last six months.
"I was more than happy to go because obviously it is very important for him," she wrote.
Vogue reported in 2016 that according to a study published in the Journal of Family Studies in 2014, meeting a significant other's parents can give "insight into how your partner might behave as a spouse or parent down the line, and indicate what sort of material resources they'll have at their disposal for raising a family."
In the article, Dr. Deanna Brann, an expert in in-law dynamics and author of Reluctantly Related Revisited: Breaking Free of the Mother-in-Law/Daughter-in-Law Conflict said that during the first meeting it's best to "stay away from topics that could cause friction or defensiveness on someone's part." If the parents do bring up a topic that the partner disagrees with, the first meeting might not be the best time to air that, she told the magazine.
Upon arrival at her boyfriend's home the Redditor was surprised at his parent's behavior, she wrote. She said while at first, they were welcoming and things were going great, they then took a turn.
"During our first meal, they then asked me if I knew any prayer and I said no," she wrote. "His mother then told me 'it's the least you could know' and I was like wtf 'sorry but I don't believe in god.'"
She said she was later surprised to learn that her boyfriend's mother wanted the couple to sleep in separate rooms because it was "more appropriate."
"I have never seen an adult couple sleeping separately. We live together so like why would she care?" she wrote.
She said she attempted to make a joke which only seemed to make the situation worse.
"Since it seems that the issue was about sex I tried to reassure her by making a joke and she looked so offended by the fact that I had implied we were having sex, I felt like I had insulted her even though we are both adults."
After trying to persuade his mother otherwise, the two slept in separate rooms.
The situation came to a head when his mother expected she would join them for church. The Redditor declined saying that church made her uncomfortable given that she does not believe in God. She said stood her ground despite pushing and refused to join them.
"After this, my boyfriend said that I was not respecting them," she wrote. "I told him that I was 100 [percent] respecting their beliefs but she was the one not respecting mine. Honestly I was a bit upset by his behaviour [sic] because while I agree me and his mother might see things differently, I think it is healthy to explain to talk about why I disagree with calm and respect."
Commenters were divided over who was to blame for the uncomfortable situation: Did the Redditor "go over the line" by making a joke regarding sex? Were the parents too "fundamentalist?" Many pointed to the boyfriend, saying he should have warned his girlfriend before they arrived at his parent's home.
"Did your boyfriend give you any idea of what to expect when you got there? It sounds like he didn't prep you AT ALL for what would happen when you got to his parents' house," one commenter wrote. "I think he's the biggest a**hole here."
"This is a glimpse into your future if you marry into this family," another commenter wrote. "They will be nightmare in-laws and your boyfriend sounds like a mommy's boy who does whatever they tell him to do. NTA"
Newsweek reached out to Sea-Tangerine-4123 for comment.
