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A Redditor is in hot water after inviting his relatives over for the days after his wife gives birth. In the now-viral post on the forum's Am I the A**hole (AITA) thread, a user by the name of u/JosephPeckerjr said his wife is "due this month" and "things have been bit intense recently with her being extra hormonal."
"My wife and I couldn't visit for Christmas. my parents were calling to continue complaining about us not spending Christmas with them and demanded I make it up for them," he wrote. "I said I was open for any suggestions they had and they suggested they come stay with us for a week once the baby is born. That way they could spend time with us and the baby as well."
Though every woman is different, it can take four to six weeks (or longer) to heal from childbirth. According to Pampers, there's incision site healing, perineal pain, vaginal discharge, afterbirth pains, urination pain or incontinence, hemorrhoids, bowel conditions, and the emotional rollercoaster of all the body endured.
The OP thought having visitors sounded like a good idea, so he "made the invitation official." All seemed well until the next day when he relayed the plans to his wife after she spoke of her post-birth plans.
"I immediately told her that I agreed to let them over for a week once the baby is born to make up for the holiday we missed with them," he said. "She first looked shocked then freaked out at me saying I shouldn't have invited them just like that without talking to her first. I asked why not since she loves them and loves being around them but she explained that my family can be a lot of work and having them as guests while caretaking for a newborn is the last thing she wanted."
u/JosephPeckerjr didn't get the response he hoped for as he explained needing the extra help saying, "she lashed out on me about how the first few days of the baby's life is essential time for bonding and being intimate and I just took that away from her by inviting my parents and invading her space."
The conversation quickly turned into an argument with the OP defending his family, but later clarifying, "if my family were decent then they wouldn't have accepted my invitation but I clarified to her that I did NOT invite and this was in fact a suggested made by them and I just agreed AFTER they complained about me missing spending the holidays with them." Things ended in a standstill and neither party giving in.
"She went off on me demanding I call them and cancel everything I planned with them but I thought that was unacceptable since she gave not a good-enough reason for me to do that and besides my parents can help but she still denied that being true," he said.
The post has accumulated more than 11,000 upvotes and over 6,000 comments with many advocating for the woman's right to bond with the baby and heal before adding too much to the mix.
In the thread's top comment with more than 47,000 upvotes, u/Whitestaunton said, in part: "YTA. UNTIL YOU PUSH A HUMAN OUT OF YOUR BODY AND SUFFER THE PHYSICAL CONSEQUENCES OF IT YOU ABSOLUTELY DON'T GET TO MANSPLAIN THAT IT IS NO BIG DEAL AND NOT GOOD ENOUGH REASON."
rycbar99 wrote in agreement, "My friend gave birth, tore so much she needed surgery twice and wasn't fit for visitors for at least a month - and that was just people going for an hour, let alone living in the house. You are the biggest a**hole I've ever seen!!"
"He did all this in a pandemic," u/Punkinpry427 wrote.
"Yup, this is one of those posts that requires people to read between the lines because of how f*****g oblivious the OP is, but in this case, it's really not difficult," u/yet_another_sock added.
And, in a comment that seems to have resonated with many, "Yta. So instead of having the week after giving birth to begin healing, bonding, time with her little family of three you have made it so your wife has to host and put up with having guests? Do you have any idea how much pain she's going to be in? Not to mention the two of you learning to be parents," u/Fabulous-Housing102 said. "Plus well done on showing to your wife that at her most vulnerable you will not be putting her first."
