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A woman has taken to Reddit's "Am I the A**hole" forum with concerns about her adult son's new boyfriend—but readers have reacted harshly to what they feel is a "classist" attitude towards the significant other.
In her post (which has generated significant engagement, including thousands of interactions overall and individual comments that surpass 20,000 upvotes), the anonymous 61-year-old woman, known only as u/werg_las0, explained that she "always wanted the best" for her five sons: "to go to college, get married, have children and be successful and nice human beings."
u/werg_las0's oldest son, 41, has been unable to settle down, despite a previous serious relationship with "a wonderful guy."
"His ex was honest, family oriented, and very successful as a lawyer, and they were planning to get married, unfortunately they broke up almost three years ago," u/werg_las0 wrote.
Recently, the son has embarked on a new relationship with someone 13 years younger than him, according to the post. "As far as I know he has a job, but he's too young for my son," said u/werg_las0. "It's not that I don't like the guy, it's that I feel that he and my son are not compatible."
u/werg_las0 explained that her son is well-educated and successful—and she feared the new boyfriend will "take advantage of him." She added that her son's new partner has "a normal job" and she described him as "ridiculous," "impolite," and as having "no class."
"I don't like the youthful way in which he dresses, the mannerisms of him, I consider it rude," she said. "I know that many mothers can relate to my situation. It's obvious that he's not compatible with my son."
Recently, things came to a head when u/werg_las0's son brought his boyfriend to Thanksgiving. According to the post, the Redditor and her daughter-in-law, who is pregnant, were commenting on how there will soon be a new member of the family.
"We actually have two new members of the family," the daughter-in-law reportedly said, referring to the son's boyfriend.
"I told her that we really only have a new member because my son's boyfriend is not part of the family yet," explained u/werg_las0. "What I was referring to is that in reality this boy is not part of the family because he has not married my son yet."
"My son called me complaining about having spoken to his boyfriend like that, called me a classist and asked me to apologize," she concluded. "I was just being logical, they're not married."
Readers seemed to object to the Redditor's "logical" stance, agreeing instead with her son that her attitude is "classist."
"You are classist. You seem snooty and controlling. Just be happy your son is happy," wrote u/necromandie in a comment that received over 22,000 upvotes.
"It is not up to you to decide who makes your son happy based off [of] age, personal attire and career," noted u/LadyBaelish9. "I would have been livid if my mother said that about my [boyfriend]. You don't have to accept him as your family but don't be rude on a holiday. Ew!"
Many users also pointed out that "family" is not always defined by marriage.
Meeting an adult child's significant other is often a fraught experience—especially if the parent doesn't approve of the new relationship or partner. However, there are ways to mitigate any tensions that might arise.
In a 2017 article for Psychology Today, sociology professor Deborah J. Cohan, Ph.D. noted that it's important to "check your own prejudice, bias, racism, and religious beliefs at the door" when meeting your child's significant other. Instead, she recommended "[getting] curious about what your son or daughter finds so special about this boyfriend or girlfriend. What do they admire about him/her?"
"Wait to actually meet the person your son or daughter is involved with before imposing judgments," Cohan added. "Try to stay open-minded."
Newsweek has reached out to u/werg_las0 for additional comment but did not hear back in time for publication.
