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A 21-year-old is being lambasted online for refusing to help his pregnant girlfriend pack for their upcoming move, even though the couple had an agreement that he wouldn't have to.
In a now-deleted post to the popular Reddit forum r/AmITheA**hole, the original poster (OP), who also deleted their account, earned over 3,600 upvotes and 2,600 comments in seven hours for their post, "[Am I the A**hole] for refusing to help my girlfriend pack?"
The OP says that his girlfriend, "Katie," 20, moved in with him about a year ago, which he describes as "pretty sick, not gonna lie." She also discovered that she's pregnant last month, and though it's a big step in their relationship, he says "we're ready for it."
OP's lease is up, and though he would like to stay, as he likes the apartment, Katie wanted to move, since they lived near her parents, and she wanted to "experience independence". He eventually gave in, but with the proviso that he wouldn't have to do anything. She agreed and started packing for their move to a city three hours away.
"She promised i wouldn't have to do anything except maybe help load some boxes in and out of our apartments. i did mention to her that maybe we should scrape some money together for movers or something," the OP wrote. "i don't know, i don't really understand pregnancy but i'm pretty sure she's not supposed to be moving stuff. but she said it was fine and i'm not about to tell her she's wrong."
While Katie packs, OP says all he's done is taped up some boxes. He does write that she does seem "a little tired," but when she asked if he'd help her by wrapping some picture frames in bubble wrap, he refused, citing their agreement.
"She said she knows, but she figured i would help a little bit. but why would i do that? we literally made an agreement," he wrote.
After this, he says she broke down crying, and said she's been tired and has had a headache for a week, and wanted a bit of help. This didn't sway him, though he did offer to run to Starbucks for her—and she told him to leave him alone.
As the OP points out, lifting can be hard on a pregnant person's body. According to Dr. Robyn Horsager-Boehrer of the UT Southwestern Medical Center, while the standard rule of thumb is that the pregnant person not lift things heavier than 20 pounds, it's really more nuanced than that.
"How often is the woman lifting these objects? Is she lifting objects from the floor? How high are the objects lifted? How advanced is her pregnancy? Each of these factors could make a difference," Dr. Horsager-Boehrer writes.
Generally a pregnant person first notices they're pregnant after their first missed period, though Planned Parenthood points out that some people know as soon as a week after conception. The Cheyenne Women's Clinic, however, says that restrictions on lifting things typically kick in at the start of the second trimester, or at the fourth month of pregnancy.
During the first trimester, the clinic says there aren't any restrictions other than being sure to lift with the legs, rather than the back—good advice for anyone, pregnant or not.
Depending on how late into the pregnancy Katie is, she may or not be cleared to lift boxes while moving. Regardless, Redditors were horrified by the OP's apparent callousness.
"To show her you love and care for her and that you will love and care for the child she's carrying for you," u/Throwaway_1x2y3 answered the OP's question of why they'd help despite the agreement. They earned the most upvotes in the converation for this comment—over 14,900 of them. "[You're the A**hole] Get your s**t together or you'll be seeing the kid weekends only if you're lucky".
"Oh, and can we give a shout-out to OP's boys? I think this may be the first time in this sub I've seen the boys be 100% correct," u/PerturbedHamster wrote. "[You're the A**hole], OP. I can't imagine refusing to lift a finger to help your pregnant girlfriend out of stubbornness."
"[You're the A**hole]. I hope she decides to drop you to be a single mother. Sounds like it would be easier than having you as a partner," u/QuebecSausage wrote.
"She doesn't need to raise 2 kids..." u/notsalg added.
"Are you the a**hole for making such a ridiculous deal in the first place, and then sticking to it even after you found out your girlfriend was pregnant? Are you the a**hole for sticking to the deal even after your girlfriend asked to you to do a minor chore when she's been working for weeks? Are you the a**hole for even doubting that you're the a**hole? Yes, you are the a**hole. [You're the A**hole]," u/PrivateEyes2020 wrote.
About the writer
Matt Keeley is a Newsweek editor based in Seattle. His focus is reporting on trends and internet culture. He has ... Read more