Man Backed for Telling Sister-In-Law to 'Shut Up' About Her Miscarriage

The internet has defended a man who told his sister-in-law to "shut up" about her miscarriage.

Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA****** forum, a man under the anonymous username u/Throwaway379200 shared his story with the "AITA" community to receive feedback on his dealings with his sister-in-law.

The original poster (OP) began his story by explaining that his wife is 20 weeks pregnant with their first child. However, they've been trying to have a baby for years by going through fertility treatments and were unsuccessful. It was a huge surprise for them and is considered a "high-risk" pregnancy.

His brother and sister-in-law have three children. Unfortunately, she suffered from a miscarriage during the summer when she was 21 weeks pregnant. The OP and his wife were "devastated" and felt "awful" for their family members.

"My [sister-in-law] talks about her miscarriage a lot, which is understandable. But it has been making my wife really anxious so I first asked my brother if they (he and SIL) can just stop bringing the miscarriage up in front of my wife. He said sure, and stopped, but SIL didn't. So I asked her too, and she said that she will try. She didn't stop," he exclaimed.

Recently, his brother, sister-in-law and their kids visited the OP and his wife for Halloween.

"At lunch, my SIL said to my wife "20 weeks now huh, I remember feeling the baby at 20 weeks. Sadly we lost him at 21" and my wife had a panic attack. We (wife and I) left the room, and I came back 30 minutes later and just lost it at my SIL, I told her to just for once shut the h*** up about her miscarriage," he concluded.

Newsweek has reached out to u/Throwaway379200 for comment.

How to help a family member through pregnancy loss

Licensed mental health counselor Kristen Souza told Newsweek that a pregnancy loss can bring the person involved and their loved ones a "rollercoaster" of emotions, including shock, anger, sadness, resentment, jealousy or guilt.

"Dealing with pregnancy loss can be one of the most gut-wrenching and tricky situations to navigate. Everyone processes grief in their own way which makes it hard to say and do the "right" thing," Souza said, encouraging loved ones to ask, "How can I support you right now?"

If you have experienced a miscarriage, Souza explained to Newsweek, you aren't responsible for how others feel about the way you cope with the grief.

Redditor reactions

U/elcasinoroyale wrote, receiving the top comment of over 15,000 upvotes. "I'm going with [Not the a******], if it wasn't for her remark about 'I remember at 20, but we lost him at 21,' I'd maybe be on the fence, but this feels like she's doing it intentionally, pregnancy is difficult enough already without someone trying to make it more stressful for that person."

"It's fine to talk about your past, and even to dwell on it and feel the sting, but that doesn't mean you get to try to make someone else feel that way," the commenter continued.

"[Not the a******]. Your [sister-in-law] is allowed to grieve her loss, but not at the expense of your wife's sanity. Your wife waited a long time for this baby and deserves to enjoy every moment of the pregnancy," u/ARC2060 said.

U/johnfammmm exclaimed, "[Not the a******] I do understand that a [miscarriage] is a traumatic thing, but it doesn't feel like the SIL is talking about it because she is sad, it feels like she is talking about it just to be the center of attention or because she is jealous of your wife because she is [pregnant] and want to make her feel bad."

"No you are [not the a******]. You made the original request and it was ignored. You are in a high risk pregnancy and your wife was in the middle of a panic attack of course you lost the plot. What she was saying to your wife was absolutely outrageous. You are not an ass in any way, I think the way you are looking out for your wife is lovely," u/Higgledypiggle commented.