Mom Backed for Not Inviting Bully to Girl's Party Despite Mother's Pressure

A mom is being supported for holding fast to her decision not to invite her daughter's bully to her girl's birthday party—even though this means she's the only kid in the class not to get to go.

The mom, u/Opposite-Leg2854, shared her story to the popular r/AmITheA**hole subreddit, earning over 19,800 upvotes and 4,300 comments for her post, "[Am I the A**hole] for not inviting one child from my daughters class to a party?"

The original poster (OP) says that her daughter "Payton," 7, is enrolled in a school with small class sizes. In her class, there are only 20 students. Her birthday is next month, and she's invited her entire class except for one—her bully. The OP adds that the invites were not handed out during class, but directly to parents.

She says that both the school and the bully's parents are aware of her behavior—which includes telling Payton she's not "pretty"; calling her "too chubby" to do cheerleading, Payton's weekend hobby; keeping her from playing with other students in the class—and when the other students told her to let her play, forcing Payton out by cheating at the game; and calling her a "cry baby."

"Obviously Payton doesn't want this kid at her party," u/Opposite-Leg2854 wrote.

However, the bully's mother recently called the OP, asking for her daughter to be invited to Payton's party. She says the girl is crying about how she was the only one not to get an invite, and all the other kids in class are talking about how excited they are.

"Payton's parties are known by her classmates to be very over the top," OP wrote.

The request was refused by the OP, who pointed out that her mother knows that the reason is because her daughter bullies Payton. But she snapped back saying that the OP is "teaching" Payton to be a bully herself, and to "use her wealth to make friends."

The bully's mother offered to have her daughter write an apology letter to Payton in exchange for an invite.

"I told her we would not and it has become a big deal every time I see the mom,"u/Opposite-Leg2854 wrote.

Bullying in school, unfortunately, appears to be a fact of life. Often times, parents acting on behalf of their bullied children garner the support of the internet, but not always. In one similar situation, where another bully was kept from a birthday party, while many people praised the mom for protecting her daughter's feelings, others said that excluding the bully would be likely to raise more problems.

Martha Teater, LMFT told Newsweek that it's best to "address the issue head-on." She urges the parents and their daughters get together to discuss the matter.

"A letter can be part of this, though a face-to-face meeting will likely have a deeper impact. Each mom could help her daughter think through what the daughter needs to say. That would include having the bully prepare a full and complete apology, make a commitment to change her behavior, and take ownership of what she's done. The bullied child could share her desire to have a total stop to the bullying," Teater said.

She added that the "best outcome" would be an invitation for the bully, but only after a sincere apology. She says that it's not only the two girls affected by the bullying, but the entire class, and that if Payton and her bully can put aside their differences, it would "lead to better relationships among all the students going forward."

Redditors, however, largely praised u/Opposite-Leg2854 for keeping the bully out of the party.

"[Not the A**hole]," u/Inevitable-Okra-3229 wrote in the top-rate comment with over 34,000 comments. "Your daughter has every right to feel safe at her party. This is a thing this girl is going to miss out on and she's upset about that. Which I guess is understandable but here is the thing mum didn't offer an apology before the party. Didn't pull her kid in line before the party and when it was brought up repeatedly with the school. She is only doing it now because her kid is the 'victim'

"My main reason is because your kid deserves not to be walking on egg shells at her party. And I absolutely loath when parents continue to put their kids in contact with their bullies/abusers. Children or not. Your child deserves to feel safe," they added.

"Yep, absolutely this. If that mom wants a good opportunity to be a parent, then she will see this as a teachable moment to her own kid. 'See, act like an a**hole to the other kids and they won't want you around!'" u/ForTheHordeKT agreed. "I'm going to go out on a limb though and say most of the kids who bully children are like that because their parents can't be bothered to be teaching them the damn s**t they need to learn."

"[Not the A**hole] Her kid has bullied yours so of course Payton doesn't want her there," u/CrystalQueen3000 wrote. "This is a great time for the bullies mom to teach them that actions have consequences."

There were others, however, who warned that it might lead to escalation.

"I had a bullies mom call the cops on me way back in Gr. 7 (or maybe it was 8) for having enough and tearing her s**tty kid a new one. Never laid a finger him, I just verbally tore him apart until the whole class was laughing at him & joining in. Honestly didn't take em long to pile on, everybody was pretty sick of this guys s**t," u/NorthernLow shared. "[Too Long, Didn't Read]; embarrassed bully infront of class & narcissist mommy called the cops for making her lil monster look bad."

"No judgement. This is a tough scenario. At 7 years old, kids are just learning that actions, like bullying, have consequences. Excluding the child seems logical at first, but then you are instilling the conflict between the two. This is an opportunity for your family to extend the proverbial olive branch by allowing the bully to apologize to your daughter and then letting your daughter decide if the apology was meaningful enough to allow the bully to join in the fun," u/botoxedbunnyboiler wrote.

"With adult supervision of the apology, talking it through together with the parents and two kids could really teach them both a lesson in bullying and also forgiveness. If I were in your shoes I would certainly consider every opportunity for this life long lesson," they added.

Newsweek reached out to u/Opposite-Leg2854 for comment. We could not verify the details of this case.