Mom Dragged for Refusing 'Unwanted' Christmas Gift for Baby

A parent has been accused of "taking the joy out of gift giving" after she complained that people had not followed the gift list for her three-month-old child this Christmas.

In a post on discussion site Mumsnet the user areweungrateful shared the situation which has received over 120 replies.

"My husband and I have one child who is three months old," she wrote. "We have an issue with one set of grandparents buying inappropriate and unwanted gifts. This isn't just for our child, but for us as well."

Many people ask for and exchange gift lists around the festive season, helping friends and family members ensure they gift something that the recipient really wants.

Is It Rude To Share A Gift Wishlist?

Editorial director of Debretts etiquette coaching company, Elizabeth Wyse, told Newsweek: "It is quite acceptable to produce gift lists for Christmas, but only if it mutually agreed beforehand with everybody concerned. Simply thrusting a gift list into someone's hands, without any preamble or negotiation, will come across as rude and demanding."

Tamiko Brown-Zablith, an etiquette expert and founder, CEO and managing director of Minding Manners, agreed and told Newsweek: "At Christmas, I think it is a lovely idea for parents or carers to create a Santa List with their child to have on hand when grandparents, or others inquire about what to give. The key is 'inquiry'—gift lists should not be imposed."

But there is no guarantee that your nearest and dearest will follow even the most carefully curated lists, and this had caused issues with the Mumsnet user.

"We made a list for Christmas presents for our child, split it and circulated it to those who wanted to buy—making sure there were a variety of options and price points.

"The grandparents have gone out and bought something outside of the list we gave to their side of the family and is actually something we know someone else has already bought, but a brand that we looked at and decided we didn't want due to reviews and possible safety issues," explained the mom.

"How do we manage this moving forward?" she asked.

"Neither my husband or I want to appear ungrateful when we receive these things that we just don't want or need, as we do appreciate they would like to gift us things. Nor do we want the confrontation of asking them to return it and get something else. Do we just re-gift or sell things on? But then they'll probably notice when they come to visit."

Brown-Zablith explained: "In some cultures, refusing a gift is considered polite. The West is not one of those cultures and accordingly, we must decline gifts with great care so as not to offend the giver."

"You cannot control everything in life, and if people want to make independent choices, you must respect the effort they've made and be grateful for it," said Wyse. "Rejecting the present on the grounds that it is 'unapproved' will set an extremely bad example for your children."

On Mumsnet, users slammed the mom and said that it was ungrateful to refuse a gift that wasn't from the list.

"Seriously, how to take the joy out of giving, and the spirit out of Christmas," said one reply. Another wrote: "You're being unreasonable and very transactional about gift giving. It's not really what it's about."

Another Mumsnet user said: "You might as well just order your own presents and get them to pay the bill."

Do You Have To Follow A Gift List?

When it comes to a gift list, Wyse says it is generally a good idea to follow what someone has asked for.

"If you agree to the idea of a Christmas list you should adhere to it. But sometimes people are not entirely happy with the whole idea and tend to stray off the recommended path," she explained.

"While this can obviously lead to disappointment, it can also be surprising and successful. If you are proposing gifts for children and there are some items that you really do not want them to receive or thoroughly disapprove of, make this clear beforehand."

Brown-Zablith explained that above all, Christmas is a time to teach children about gifting: "The parent or carer could share with the child that receiving a gift is something very special, and the mere fact that someone thinks of them and invests the effort to acquire, wrap and give the gift, is a valuable gift in itself," she explained.

"Roleplay with the child to learn how to accept gifts graciously, even if they do not like the item. And then reflect upon that lesson and do the same. Find something to appreciate in each gift and involve the child in writing the thank you note."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of the case.