Mom Dragged for Saying Daughter's Grades Are More Important Than Her Pain

The internet has bashed a mom for telling her daughter that her grades are more important than her pain.

Published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a mother under the anonymous username u/EbbApprehensive1470 shared her story to receive feedback from the "AITA" community. The popular post has over 9,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.

The original poster (OP) began her story by explaining that her 16-year-old daughter was in a car accident a few months ago. She was taken to the hospital for minor injuries but was released after a few days of observation. However, her daughter still complained about being in pain.

The OP went to have her checked by a general practitioner, but they couldn't find anything wrong. She told her daughter that it was probably just a trauma response and she would be fine. The OP said her daughter stopped complaining about her pain, so she thought everything was good.

"Fast forward to yesterday and I got an email from her teacher that's she's constantly despondent in class and laying her head down and not participating," the OP wrote, "was already seeing red from that and I decided to check on her grades. She turned in multiple assignments late and lost points on them, which is not at all on par with her typical performance.

"I confronted her about it and she was really quiet at first, like she didn't know what to say. I pushed her on it and she started talking about pain again which I frankly think is bulls**t. She hasn't said a peep about it for two months, only when her grades are slipping. We started arguing about it and I said that her grades matter more than her 'pain'. She's a junior this year, it is not the time to be slacking," she continued.

The OP said that her daughter wouldn't leave her room nor talk to anyone and didn't want to go to school either.

Newsweek reached out to u/EbbApprehensive1470 for comment.

How to help teens through trauma

Are you going through a similar situation as the OP? Here are a few ways to help your child through trauma, according to childmind.com:

• Let your teen know that they are safe. Even though your teen may not want one, offer a hug to them as it can help them feel secure.
• Give your child responsibilities around the house and applaud them for the work they've done. However, don't overwhelm your teen with at-home projects as it could increase their anxiety.
• Use activities that you and your child can do together and lean into a conversation to let them speak their mind. Always be open to having discussions surrounding their trauma.
• Research support groups where your teen can go and listen to others speak about their experiences.

Newsweek has published several articles regarding parents and teens including a parent who was urged not to call their teen daughter's boss over a pay raise, a teen backed for telling her polyamorous parents' third she's not her second mom and parents who called their teen "lazy" for getting two jobs to fund college.

Redditor reactions

U/CanterCircles wrote, receiving the top comment of over 22,000 upvotes, "You assumed because she shut up about her pain, because you told her to, that it no longer exists. And you're using her silence on it as proof, while ignoring that you told her to stop talking about it. Yeah. [You're the a**hole]. Whether this pain is physical or psychological, it's still incredibly real pain. She needs help, not an a**hole parent telling her to shut up and then throwing her silence back in her face. Do better."

U/CrimsonKnight_004 said, "You failed your daughter two months ago. You're failing her now. Do better. Apologize to her. HELP HER. Her well-being is way more important than insignificant grades. I mean, really. Would you rather have a living daughter with a lapse in grades due to a medical issue, or a dead daughter with straight A's on her final report card?"

"[You're the a**hole]. Your daughter could easily have post-concussion symptoms or other issues. Or PTSD. In any case, the world already has a full complement of people who minimize medical issues for women. You're not needed for that. Support your child," u/bobledrew exclaimed.

"[You're the a**hole]. What you're saying is that her pain isn't important to YOU. Her doctor couldn't figure it out? Find another doctor. Whether or not there is an exact physical cause identified, her pain is real, her need for relief is real, and her knowledge that you care more about her grades that her welfare is absolutely, totally real," u/big_bob_c urged the OP.