Mom Forcing Daughter To Share Birthday Presents With Stepchild Criticized

A mom has been criticized on social media for trying to force her daughter to share her birthday presents with her stepsister, over fears the latter was left out.

The 40-year-old took to Reddit under username u/Emotional-Duty505 to ask for advice. She said that, in 2021, she married her wife, Jenna, 42, who has a 13-year-old daughter, Nora.

The mom wrote on the website: "Amy stated that she at least wanted her own gifts to be hers alone."

The Redditor has full custody of her 15-year-old daughter, Amy, who took a while to adjust to a "second mom," as the quartet now live together.

Blended families have steadily increased over the years, with the American Psychological Association (APA) now calling it a "norm."

As far back at 2011, Pew Research Center, a Washington, D.C., fact tank, said how stepfamilies were on the rise, with more than 40 percent of American adults having at least one steprelative.

In 2015, Pew Research Center noted the most recent data from the Census Bureau showed 16 percent of children were living in a "blended family," which includes "a household with a stepparent, stepsibling or half-sibling."

The APA said the most difficult part of a blended family ia parenting: "Forming a stepfamily with young children may be easier than forming one with adolescent children, due to the differing developmental stages.

"Young adolescents, who are forming their own identities, tend to be a bit more difficult to deal with.

"Recent research suggests that younger adolescents (age 10–14) may have the most difficult time adjusting to a stepfamily. Older adolescents (age 15 and older) need less parenting and may have less investment in stepfamily life..."

That appears to be a central theme of conflict between the two girls, as the mom wrote: "They share a room for space and I make sure they're both invited to the same parties and sleepovers, so that Nora won't be left out. If they don't invite both of them, then [n]either of them goes."

This has now extended to birthday parties. Because they were born two days apart, their parents organized a joint celebration.

That's a common problem for stepfamilies, the website Helpguide.org said: "In blended families, there may be children with birthdays closer to one another than possible with natural siblings."

As Amy opened gifts sent by her side of the family, her mom was dismayed to see in the pile of around 20 presents, only one, a $15 Walmart tumbler, was for Nora.

"Not to sound ungrateful, but Amy's gifts were much more expensive (lots of gift cards over $100, a new phone, limited-edition Funkos, designer clothes and lots of cards wishing her a happy birthday)," the mom wrote.

She later confirmed that she and her wife bought both girls a tablet, and Nora received separate gifts from her side of the family.

When the mom confronted her relatives over Nora's single gift, she wrote that she was told: "It's not our duty to give gifts to someone else's kid." The relatives also said: "Amy deserved them, since I didn't even throw her her own birthday party."

As a result, the mom asked Amy to share some of her presents, "just a couple of gift cards and some of the new clothes," with Nora, which caused the teen to cry and refuse.

The mom wrote: "This surprised me, since she never had a problem with sharing and even though she and Nora are not BFF's, they usually get along. After asking why, Amy started crying, saying that she never wanted a joint birthday party, and that I force her to share everything with Nora."

This caused her to be punished. The mom wrote: "Amy stated that she at least wanted her own gifts to be hers alone. I scolded her for being selfish with her stepsister, grounded her and took a couple of the presents to give to Nora."

However, Nora declined as she didn't want to be the recipient of "pity," and ever since Amy has been "cold," after seeing the mom question her actions.

The post, which can be read here, has amassed more than 16,000 upvotes since being shared on Saturday.

The top comment, from Jocelyn-1973, was upvoted more than 58,000 times: "YTA [You're the A**hole], you are basically asking your daughter to share her complete identity with Nora. Her room, her stuff, her family, her friends, her birthday party, the parties she goes to, sleepovers.... is there anything really HERS? This can't be good for her development. She needs to be her own person."

Suzdg said in reply: "Yes. OP [Original Poster] can want them to be close but forcing it will only create resentment. I mean Amy can't go places if Nora isn't included? This is way over the top."

ChiPot-le said: "This, she STOLE gifts from her own child, gifts that others bought... WTH [What the hell] is wrong with OP..."

Newsweek reached out to u/Emotional-Duty505 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.