Mom Resentful Husband Can't Help Feeding Baby Blasted Online: 'So Mad'

Parenting can bring lots of joy, but it's not always easy. Research shows that the first year is particularly tough on moms, with many struggling with sleep deprivation, loneliness, and a whole host of new responsibilities.

One new mom took to Mumsnet for support, explaining that a series of sleepless nights was impacting her mental health and "destroying" her marriage. Posting to Mumsnet's AIBU (Am I being unreasonable?) forum on 1 August, user WaterMeloncholy shared how her baby's night feeds were leaving her exhausted and impacting the rest of her life.

She wrote: "I know I'm being unreasonable. We have [a] 9-month-old baby boy, very loved and very wanted.

"My husband is a fantastic father but the baby is breastfed and has been unwell the last few weeks and will only settle with a breastfeed in the night.

"Rationally, I know my husband can't help with breastfeeding and if he takes him at night he just screams to the point of being hysterical. But I'm so exhausted."

The mom explained that although her husband does his share of the childcare, caring for the baby when he gets home from work, the fact that he gets a full night's sleep is making her resentful.

She continued: "I do all the feeding, as well as working part time and also trying to spend time with the eldest.

"My husband works long hours and takes him when he's home so he [doesn't] get a rest either, but he gets a full nights sleep every night.

"Last night I got 3 hours and had to be up early for work."

Unfortunately, attempts to bottle feed her son have not worked out, and her resentment has built to the point she "honestly hates" her husband and "wants to punch him."

"I'm so tired and I have a medical condition that requires a good amount of sleep so I'm just a miserable zombie," she said.

"I haven't spoken to my husband all day because I'm just so mad at him. I don't know what to do."

Sleep problems amongst infants are common, with a 2020 study finding "large individual variations" in sleep quality between babies and toddlers. The study, which was conducted by the Finnish Institute for Health and Welfare (THL) and the University of Turku, analyzed the sleeping patterns of 5,700 Finnish children.

Although 40 percent of parents were concerned about their child's sleeping pattern at age eight months, researchers found that infant sleep issues usually resolved themselves by age two, becoming "more stable and consistent." By six months of age, infants usually take an average of 20 minutes to fall asleep, and by two, wake up an average of once during the night.

Although many Mumsnet users sympathized with the poster, they warned her not to unfairly place the blame on her husband.

One user said: "[You're being unreasonable]. Please be kind to yourself and your husband. This will pass!"

Another agreed, writing: "Your husband has done nothing wrong, you must rationally know that it is completely unreasonable to blame him or resent him.

"I'm sorry that you are finding it so hard. It will get better, but driving him away is only going to make things worse for you."

While a third commented: "It's not his fault.

"You can get baby back on bottle between you and the baby shouldn't need feeding overnight anyway.

"If you don't like things the way they are then change them."