Woman Refusing To Take in Neighbor's Kids During Medical Emergency Backed

A mom who refused to babysit the children of her neighbor, who was "clearly in labor," has been backed by users on Reddit.

In a post shared six days ago on Reddit's AITA (Am I The A******) sub, where it has received 6,700 upvotes, the 26-year-old mom (u/No-Pumpkin5167) said she got a knock on her door at around 3 a.m. in the morning, while her two kids, a two-year-old and 11-month-old, were fast asleep. "I'm currently solo parenting as my husband's gone away for a few days to spend time with his family and friends," the mom noted.

She said she tried to ignore the knock, as she was home alone and wasn't expecting any company. But after the knock wouldn't stop and her kids were starting to wake up, she opened the door to find that it was her neighbor, boyfriend and her two kids.

The poster noted: "She's 9 months pregnant, clearly in labor, they've got their hospital bags. They told me if I could take the kids till her sister gets here in an hour."

The poster told the neighbor: "I'm sorry but no. I don't want to be liable if anything were to happen to her kids under my care and I don't want to risk waking mine up."

Was the poster being inconsiderate?

Deborah Gilman, a licensed psychologist, mediator and child specialist based in Pittsburgh, told Newsweek: "The poster expressed concerns about liability, the well-being of her own children, and the disruption to her family's routine. From this perspective, her decision to refuse may be seen as a way of asserting her boundaries and protecting her family's interests."

Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts criticized the poster, saying: "Some people are born without the compassion gene. The golden rule is about helping other people in the way that you would want to be helped...even if Mercury was in retrograde, there is no excuse for this type of un-neighborly behavior."

According to an August 2019 Pew Research Center survey, 66 percent of Americans who "know at least some of their neighbors" would "feel comfortable asking to leave a set of keys with them for emergencies."

Eight in 10 adults aged 65 and older were found to be comfortable leaving the keys with their neighbors, compared with just 50 percent of those aged 18 to 29, according to the survey.

The poster in the latest Reddit post said that everyone in her area moved in a year and "we've done favors for each other in the past like formula milk and normally kids stuff...but I try not to get too friendly."

Referring to her neighbor's latest request, the poster explained: "I feel like this is something you need to plan ahead and not start knocking on doors hoping someone takes your kids in. I've already got my hands full with my 2 there's no way I'm having another 2 running around my house at 3 in the morning."

Her neighbor's kids are aged one and four and "I know they aren't just going to sit and watch tv quietly," she said.

"They call me evil and rude and the bf [boyfriend] got onto me saying what kind of mother watches another struggle...AITA?," the poster asked.

Respecting 'Personal Limitations and Priorities'

Licensed psychologist Gilman said: "Given the potential for chaos and disruption, it's understandable that she may have felt overwhelmed and unable to take on the additional responsibility at that moment."

While there may be societal norms or expectations around "neighborly assistance" during emergencies, Gilman noted "it's important to recognize that individuals may have different thresholds for what they feel comfortable or capable of providing."

So, the poster's decision may be reflective of her "personal limitations and priorities," rather than a lack of empathy or concern for her neighbor's situation, she added.

Raele Altano, a certified communication coach based in New York City, told Newsweek: "The best way to navigate this situation would have been for the neighbor to approach the poster as she was coordinating her labor and delivery plan...

"This would have allowed all parties to see the full picture and come to an agreement while also respecting each other's capabilities and boundaries," Altano noted.

'You Weren't Obligated'

Several Redditors sided with the original poster. In a comment that got 7,800 upvotes, user midwestyellowmoon said: "NTA [not the a******] You weren't obligated to take them..."

User Level_Equivalent9108 noted: "Also the neighbour had her bf right there!! He can take the kids for the hour and then join her... how would that not be the first choice?..." in a comment that got 3,400 upvotes.

User meolvidemiusername said: "NTA....I would NEVER leave my child with a stranger ...if dad absolutely needed to accompany mom then they can all go to the hospital and dad sits in the waiting room with the kids until sister can come and take them."

A few criticized the poster, such as Swimming-Fix-2637 who said: "YTA [you're the a******]. She was in labor. It was an emergency. Her sister would be there in 1 hour. You couldn't keep someone's kids alive and unharmed (probably while they slept on your couch) for one freaking hour until help could arrive?..."

AngryAngryHarpo agreed, saying "Right?!?...Literally. One. Hour. One hour to do something kind and neighbourly that you're not legally obligated to do..."

Newsweek has contacted the original poster for comment.

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