Pregnant Woman's Reason for Refusing To Give Up Career After Birth Praised

One expectant mother who says she earns three times the salary of her husband was shocked recently as he revealed he expected her to become a stay-at-home mom and her reaction has been praised online.

Being a stay-at-home mom has become a choice rather than the norm in recent years as most of the world continues to wake up to equal rights, opportunities and pay for women.

In a Reddit post, user pregnantthw explained that she is 29, and at the time of posting was 29 weeks pregnant, and that she and her husband, 30, met in college. They have been together for eight years, and married for two.

"Up until recently, we've agreed on nearly everything (save for small things) in our marriage and how to raise kids," she wrote, "However, two days ago, we were talking about baby stuff, and my husband started mentioning that he thought maybe one of us should stay home with the baby for a while, and not go back to work after our maternity/paternity leave is over."

A row arose when the woman asked, "If that's really something he'd consider, since he might have to quit his job...He asked why he would have to quit, since I should 'obviously' be the one to stay home with the baby. I asked him if he was serious and he said yes, the mom should be the one to stay home."

She explained that she was fine with sending their baby to daycare once they reached 6 months. "The fight blew up from there, me saying he's being sexist and not considering my feelings at all," she said. "I refused to back down and he ended up taking off after I said he should be the stay-at-home parent if he wants one so bad, and him saying he didn't deserve to be emasculated just for suggesting I should stay home like a 'good mom.'"

In an update, after probing her husband about his change of heart, he explained that after speaking to his family and coworkers they had made him feel insecure about being a stay-at-home dad.

"His brother (35, divorced!) considers himself to be a 'man's man' and has a lot of sexist views, so he's made jokes before about me being the 'breadwinner,'" she said.

"So after hearing this my husband snapped a bit because some of his coworkers and his older brother have laid into him a bit about the fact that I make more money and have a better job title, calling him a 'trophy husband'" and other dumb stuff like that, and it made my husband feel insecure so he lashed out a bit at me and that's why we fought."

The couple compromised and are now looking for a counselor "and more into a nanny service, "and he has admitted that he doesn't mind the idea of taking a few unpaid months to stay home."

Newsweek spoke to clinical psychologist Dr. Chloe Carmichael, Ph.D, and Ruth E. Freeman, president and founder of Peace at Home Parenting Solutions,about the tricky social situation.

"I really applaud this woman for sitting her husband down and getting to the heart of the matter with him, which seems to be his fears about how he will be perceived by others such as his brother," Dr Carmichael told Newsweek,

"There are no set rules for which parent (if either) 'should' stay home. The most important thing is that the parents are a united front in a relationship with mutual trust and respect.

"This is what creates an environment of security for the child. It sounds like the husband is actually open to staying home and this makes sense since he is the person who views it as a priority. I would suggest they both keep an open mind and see how they each respond to their time during paid or unpaid leave and then continue having open conversations about their perspectives.

"It's great that they discussed their plans prior to marriage, but sometimes having a child changes one's perspective—so it's important to understand that the pre-marriage blueprint may change when an actual baby arrives in your family."

As of 2021, 26 percent of mothers were stay at home parents, compared to seven percent of fathers, according to the Pew Research Center.

"The transition to parenthood is one of the most dramatic of life's many changes," Freeman told Newsweek. "Both of these adults, like almost all others, are experiencing changes in self-concept, social roles and soon there will be changes in their daily routines.

"While the birth of a child is usually also one of life's most amazing and happy events, it is also associated with more stress and decreases in marital satisfaction. As clearly illustrated in this story, the process of adjustment begins with pregnancy and the quality of their relationship will depend on the couple's ability to adapt to the many changes on the horizon.

"One challenge that often surprises couples is that before they had children their relationship may have been positive and based on shared views of 'equality,' but when anticipating the arrival of a child, one or both of them may unconsciously revert to the family roles of childhood. Even if you threw off traditional roles in marriage, the arrival of a child may trigger expectations that family life will be organized like the one in which you grew up.

"Hopefully, this couple can continue the dialogue as baby arrives. Mom is displaying plenty of flexibility in exploring other options about care while at the same time being clear about her own wants and needs. Dad being candid about his inner conflicts and mom listening with compassion bodes well for their baby's wellbeing."

Users voted that the OP is not the a****** in this situation, and believed that the husband was in the wrong.

"Ah the classic, 'man changes as soon as he realize he has his SO (significant other) tied down with a baby' routine," said one user, "Well, yeah, she's about to find out her 'progressive' husband is actually incredibly traditional. Nip it in the bud, or tell him good luck seeing his kid for the next few years."

Newsweek has reached out to pregnantthw via Reddit for comment.

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