'Bad Influence': Mom Praised for Refusing to Pay for Camp for Son's Bully

Whether it's putting gum in your hair or tackling you on the bus, the scars left by school bullies can last a lifetime. Still, it's easier to deal with bullying when you know your parents have your back.

One mom is being praised by Redditors after standing up for her son David, who is being bullied by another teen for being gay. When traditional tactics, such as talking to the boy's parents, didn't work, the mom found another way to resolve the situation.

Posting to the AmitheA******? (AITA) subreddit on Wednesday 21 April, user u/Huge_Assistance_9047 shared a post titled: "AITA for not paying for camp for my son's friend?"

In her post, which has been upvoted more than 14,000 times and received over 2,000 comments, the user explained that she has two sons—16-year-old David and 14-year-old Shawn. Shawn's longtime BFF is another kid called Frankie, whose family has been going through some hard times.

She wrote: "David has always been quiet, didn't have a lot of friends, and is a perfectionist. Shawn is more laid back, easy-going, and doesn't let anything bother him.

"Shawn's best friend since they were little has been Frankie. About seven years ago, Frankie's father had a stroke. He was left severely disabled and Frankie's mother Beth is now the sole earner for the family.

"With summer coming up, and knowing things were tough for the family, my husband and I arranged to pay to send Frankie to the same sleep away camp that we send our sons to. Save for 2020 when camp did not happen we have covered Frankie's summer camp every year."

However, after David came out as gay, Frankie and Shawn began to harass him for his sexuality.

She continued: "He [David] revealed that there had been a great deal of bullying at school and Shawn and Frankie had been among the instigators.

"Frankie had asked David if we had figured out that he was a [slur] yet, made comments about him staring at other boys in the locker room, and told him he belonged in the girl's room."

Huge_Assistance_9047 punished their younger son for his actions, before confronting Frankie's parents.

She said: "I called Beth and told her what had happened. She was very dismissive.

"I told her that my son's sexuality was not a punchline and out of respect for his friendship with Shawn to have Frankie leave David alone.

"Beth replied that David made himself a target by being an overly sensitive tattletale. She said boys will be boys, they'll have to work it out, and she's not getting involved."

After Frankie's mother Beth dismissed the news that her son was a bully, the poster decided not to sponsor his stay at camp this summer. However, they were beginning to second-guess their decision.

She added: "Beth does not know that I've been sponsoring camp since Frankie was 7 as she is only told that an anonymous donor covered camp for him.

"When I told my husband what I had done, he understood why but felt badly that Frankie wouldn't get to go and Shawn would be without his best friend at camp.

"He pointed out that Beth would have likely said something if she knew we were paying for camp, but I feel like that's missing the point. He shouldn't act that way because it's wrong, not because we pay for camp.

"I feel I made the right choice to protect my son but still feel guilty. Am I the asshole?"

Redditors were quick to reassure the mom that she made the right choice.

User Affectionate_Ice_658 said: "I think you have to put your son first - can you imagine how he would feel if he found out you continued to sponser his bully to go to camp after you found out what he was doing?

"And do you really want this kid to go to camp with your son? His mother sounds as horrible as he is, I think it's time to cut the free ride off."

AdrianeKay commented: "NTA. Bullies don't deserve free stuff.

"Seems like he's a bad influence on Shawn."

According to the National Center for Education Statistics, 1 in 5 students reports being bullied. The most cited reasons include race or ethnicity, appearance, gender, sexual orientation, disability and religion. Young people who experience bullying at school are more likely to suffer from depression or anxiety and have an increased risk of dropping out of school.

Huge_Assistance_9047 told Newsweek that Frankie had "been like a son to her." She knew things were tough for him at home, but she would try and support him as much as she could. So, she was surprised to hear that Frankie was bullying David.

Fortunately, she says David is now doing much better, and Frankie is no longer welcome in their house. Shawn has been actively making efforts to mend things with his brother, and the two are now closer than ever.

"Once [David] opened up to us I've noticed that he's less on edge, more relaxed, and happier in general," she explained.

"We try to always support our children and push them in the right direction when it comes to doing the right thing."

CemeteryDweller suggested that keeping both her sons away from Frankie was a good move, writing: "It is really hard to convince your teen to take a break from a friend. You can forbid them from hanging out with someone, but that's practically guaranteed to make them more appealing.

"But your teen goes out of town for a bit with a chance to hang out with other people without specifically forbidding contact with the friend..."

KarenMaca agreed, saying: "That was my thought too. Sending Shawn to camp without Frankie, to get them some separation, sounds like a good idea.

"Show Shawn there are other friends to make, ones who are not bullies."

To help ease her guilt, some users suggested Huge_Assistance_9047 donate the money to an LGBT charity instead.

Psychological_Pack23 said: "Donate the money to a worthy cause? Or send an LGBT kid to camp?"

Update 4/27/22, 3:22 a.m. EDT: This article has been updated to include comment from Huge_Assistance_9047.