Mom Refusing To Share Kids With Ex Over Christmas Applauded: 'No'

A mom not wanting to share her children with her ex-husband over Christmas is being backed by Mumsnet users.

Sharing her story with the parenting site's Am I Being Unreasonable? (AIBU) forum, user SweetBlues said that she and her ex-husband shared 50/50 custody. However, for the last three years, the children had spent the majority of the Christmas period with her ex and his mother.

This year, it was supposed to be SweetBlues' turn to have the children over the holidays, but her ex and her former mother-in-law are trying to change her mind, despite the poster already making plans.

In a poll attached to the post, 87 percent agreed that the poster was not unreasonable to want to spend Christmas with her children—without interference from her ex and his family.

How To Split the Christmas Holidays Fairly When You're Divorced

Family mediator Louisa Whitney said Christmas is particularly tough for couples who are separated or divorced, but it can help to think of Christmas as a period of time, rather than one day.

"Make the time with your children special regardless of what days you actually end up spending with them," she told Newsweek.

She said it can also help to talk to your children in an age-appropriate manner, so you can understand what is important to them about the festive season and try to accommodate their wishes. However, Whitney warns against involving your children in any conflict between yourself and your ex.

"They should never feel that they have to choose between their parents," Whitney said.

"Adults often focus on whether each parent is getting completely equal time over Christmas and whether it feels fair.

"If you look at things from a child's perspective, it is often about the experience and connection they feel with each parent during the time they're with them—not about the hours."

'Whatever Precedent You Set Will Follow in Future Years'

In her post, SweetBlues explained that she and her ex had been separated for three years after he had an affair. They do not have a "formal" custody agreement in place for their children, but split their time 50/50.

"[We] have been mostly amicable with sharing time with the kids," she wrote.

"The week to week schedule we follow was actually drawn up by the kids. It doesn't take into account birthdays or holidays. The days just fall as they fall if that makes sense?"

As Christmas Eve is her former mother-in-law's birthday, the kids have spent most of the day, Christmas Day and Boxing Day with their father and his family. However, this year, the period between December 24 to 27 landed on SweetBlues' "time."

"I've never been happy with this arrangement," she said.

"I've just mainly bit my tongue and kept the peace but it doesn't feel fair that I only really get Christmas morning. I want to spend more time and have something fun to do at Christmas too."

Excited to spend Christmas with her children, SweetBlues has made plans for them as a family. Initially, her ex and his mother seemed fine with the plan, but have since "changed their tune."

"Ex messaged earlier this week to ask to take them for a couple of hours Xmas day... and now ex-mil has asked to have them Xmas eve... both of which would interrupt plans I have made and which I don't intend to change or cancel," she wrote.

SweetBlues replied politely to her mother-in-law, reminding her that her former husband would be having them from December 27 onwards, while she told her ex a "short but sweet 'no.'"

"What is it with these people?" she said.

"They've had it their way for three years running. Why can't they just let me be for one bloody year!"

Mumsnet users told SweetBlues to stand her ground, with DenholmElliot11 warning: "The more you give people, the more they want."

Vipersnest1 agreed, writing: "Stick to your guns. I've been where you are. You've been more than accommodating, but it's time to stand your ground."

MichaelFabricantWig commented: "Christmas morning is hardly comparable to him having them all Christmas Eve and most of Christmas Day for three years."

Itsabitnotcold said: "They didn't think it necessary to share the time when you were barely seeing your kids, but now it's reversed it's suddenly unfair."

Although, some users warned her that this decision would likely come back to haunt her.

"Whatever precedent you set will follow in future years," wrote Sling. "So if you say no to a few hours on Christmas Day—unless for good reason—expect the same when it's 'his' weekend."

"Other posters pointed out that you did get to see the kids Christmas day in the years he has had them," said Whaleandnail6. "Could that not be accommodated for dad?"

"Wouldn't it be better to sit down and try to organise a system that works every second year for both of you," suggested Pallisers.

"Well with those messages you've said goodbye to ever seeing your kids on Christmas Day in the future, when it's not their usual day with you," commented saraclara.

"You should probably have thought about the repercussions before firing off those texts."

SweetBlues isn't the only one to share her family Christmas drama with the internet. A fellow Mumsnet user also recently turned to the AIBU forum for guidance, after her in-laws invited people to the Christmas dinner she's hosting last minute, while a mom who told her teen son he'd "ruined Christmas" by choosing to spend the day at his dad's house was slammed by Reddit users.

A Newsweek reader also recently wrote to our What Should I Do? section for advice, after her brother tried to guilt her into handing over her PlayStation—so he could give it to his son as a Christmas present.