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In a viral post on social media, the internet has bashed a mother for charging her daughter rent.
Published on Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/Big_Start4986 shared her story in order to receive opinions of the "AITA" community. The viral post has over 9,000 upvotes and 4,000 comments.
The original poster (OP) began her story by explaining that her daughter recently moved back home after graduating college and has been on a job hunt since February. Fortunately, she found a well-paying job in October. When telling her mother that she wasn't getting paid until later in the month, her mother understood but told her that rent was still due.
Her daughter told the OP that she was saving up for a plane ticket so she could attend a trip with her friends. The OP believed that she was trying to get out of paying rent, so she reminded her once again.
The OP explained, "She told me she'd pay the rent, but deducting her credit card bill. Apparently she wanted me to pay her credit card bill first then keep the rest as rent. I told her it was unacceptable. She rolled her eyes and tried to walk away. In the heat of the moment, I said some unfortunate things. At the end of the fight, she finally agreed to pay the rent and her own credit card bill."
In a recent edit to the post, the OP wrote that she "may have" called her daughter a "bad or s**tty" person.
The "credit card bill" situation is allegedly about her daughter paying off the iPad the OP and her husband got her for Christmas, which she has been whittling down monthly so she could learn how installments worked.
"My daughter has become extremely distant since. She started working overtime almost all week. I tried to talked to her, I even told her she can keep her original plan but she just kept fixating on the things I've said. Either ignoring my message or telling me how I've misunderstood her and made her felt bad," she continued.
She wrote that her husband believes she was in the wrong for "demanding" that she pays her rent with money she doesn't have, as that "made her the villain." In the end, her daughter gave her cash for rent and her credit card bill and cut up her credit card.
Newsweek has reached out to u/Big_Start4986 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek has published several articles regarding personal finance, including a teen asking her stepdad to pay rent, a mother charging her sister-in-law $800 a month for her spare bedroom and a stepfather wanting to charge an 8-year-old rent.
Tips on charging your children rent
Brent Weiss, co-founder of Facet Wealth, spoke to Newsweek about the three key lessons of having adult children living at home.
There is no right or wrong.
"Your personal and family situation will drive the best solution for you and your son or daughter," Weiss said, "You need to consider your relationship with your children and your relationship with money to find the best path forward."
He also said that your child's situation matters as well. Is your child employed? In school? In search of a job? Have student loans to pay off? Are they making enough to cover monthly payments? Weiss spoke about how challenging it can be to have your child pay rent if they aren't working.
The psychology of money matters more than money itself.
Weiss admitted the hardest part about money is the psychological aspect. He tells his clients that personal finances are 90 percent mental and the rest is math and money.
"The psychology of money, how we ... feel about it, often matters more than how we think about it. We think it's about paying rent, getting a job, learning about responsibility, or teaching financial life lessons. However, the beliefs, values, attitudes, and emotions we bring to money conversations will have a far greater impact."
When confronting your child about rent, Weiss recommends assessing your own beliefs and attitudes toward money and taking into account how your child feels about it as well.
It's not just about what you do, it's about how you do it.
"When money is the No. 1 cause of stress and one of the more emotionally charged topics in society, we need to spend time thinking about how [your child] will receive the conversation. It's often best to ease into a discussion around monthly responsibilities and rent than to dive right in and to stoke the emotional flames that surround our finances." Weiss said.
It's also best that parents establish their goals and desired outcomes for their children when charging rent. When parents can set clear goals, it can help determine what they need to do to create a successful solution, Weiss said. These goals could be teaching responsibilities as an adult or managing a budget.
Redditor reactions
"[You're the a**hole] Now you're mad that your daughter doesn't want to treat you like family when you treat her like a tenant. You wanna act like a s**ty landlord, you're gonna get treated like a s**tty landlord," u/rhomboidus wrote, receiving the top comment of over 25,000 upvotes.
U/Curious-Mousse-8714 exclaimed, "Calling your kid a 's**tty person' is crossing the line. [You're the a**hole]."
U/Jazzlike_Humor3340 pointed out, "[You're the a**hole] For knowingly demanding rent, from your daughter, starting from before she actually gets paid. She's you're kid! Would it hurt to wait two months, and have a plan for reasonable rent starting then? Getting a new job involves expenses - professional clothes, figuring out transportation, etc."
"[You're the a**hole]. It's reasonable to ask an adult child to pay rent. But you could have given her a little grace time to get on her feet. Sounds like you were basically demanding her entire first paycheck. She had to work a bunch of overtime to pay you," u/Harry7411 commented.
About the writer
Ashley Gale is a Newsweek reporter based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Her focus is reporting on trends. She has covered trends, ... Read more