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A mom has been slammed by the internet after she expected a teen to look after her autistic daughter at a summer camp.
In a viral post published to Reddit's r/AmITheA**hole forum, a woman under the anonymous username u/calm-hurry shared her story. The popular post has over 14,000 upvotes and 2,000 comments.
The Redditor began her story by explaining that she has a 14-year-old daughter named "Maria" and a 7-year-old son named "David." David is on the autism spectrum and the original poster (OP) wrote that Maria has helped take care of David since he was born for a "variety of reasons."
The OP confirmed that her daughter isn't the sole caretaker of her brother but asks her to help out when needed. However, the OP said that she doesn't want her daughter to miss out on her childhood. Sometimes things happen where the OP asks Maria to step up when she and her husband "fail." To reward Maria for her efforts, the OP pays her.
This summer, the OP paid for Maria to attend an art program. Maria was very excited for months. After the first two weeks, though, the OP's daughter didn't want to go anymore.
The user wrote, "This was because Maria was essentially assigned to watch over a girl we'll call Helen. Helen is a girl who is also on the autism spectrum. I know Helen's mother personally, and when she learned that her daughter and mine were going to be in the same art classes over the summer she asked the organizers personally to essentially assign Maria to be Helen's mandatory friend over the summer."
"Over the first two weeks, Maria was essentially burdened with Helen. She spent a good chunk of the class time helping Helen out with her own projects instead of being able to work on her own. She also at one point had to help one of the teachers out when Helen began to have an anxiety attack and did not get to do any art the entire day. When I learned of this, I was livid." she continued.
The OP got in touch with the people in charge of the program, demanding she gets a refund and said she was willing to report them for having a minor responsible for a child with special needs. The organizers told her that Helen's mother told them that the OP and her were close friends, which she quickly said they were not.
The OP called Helen's mother and snapped at her, asking her "where she got the nerve" for ruining Maria's art program and making her daughter take care of hers. Helen's mother tried explaining that Helen wanted to take the art classes, but was nervous that she wouldn't be able to do it by herself. She felt comfortable with Maria helping Helen out since she has experience with special needs children. The mother got mad at the OP calling her out and saying that she should understand where she was coming from.
The OP received her money back from the program and decided to look into private art tutoring for Maria. However, when her husband found out what happened, he felt that the OP shouldn't have fought with Helen's mother.
Newsweek reached out to u/calm-hurry for comment.
Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is defined as a developmental disability that is caused by differences in the brain, according to the CDC. Some behaviors and characteristics that can occur if a child has ASD include avoiding or keeping eye contact, has obsessive interests, can't follow certain routines, repeating words or sayings, flaps hands, rocking their body or spinning in circles.
Many fellow Reddit users were quick to comment in defense of the OP, slamming Helen's mother.
"[Not the A**hole]. You're right, your daughter shouldn't have to look after someone if she doesn't want to," u/NotTwitchy wrote in the top comment with over 27,000 upvotes. However, they did tell the OP to "do better" with caring for David so Maria doesn't feel bombarded with responsibility.
"[Not the a**hole]. Could you have been kinder? Probably. Did you have to be? No. It would be a different story if sh had called and ask... but just supposing and then contacting the organizers was a huge a**hole move. If she thought it wouldn't have been an issue... she would have asked you. She knew what she was doing was wrong," u/vcatacarte said.
U/Paevatar commented, "[Not the a**hole] Helen's mother - [a**hole] - ruined the art program for your daughter. She essentially demanded that Maria work as an unpaid caregiver instead of an arts program participant. Maria needed a break from helping with her brother. Instead, she ended up dealing with yet another special needs child. The people running the art program are also [a**hole] for allowing this situation. I think you had every right to tell Helen's mother off. What she did was outrageous."
"[Not the a**hole] - your kid deserves to have a break and to have free time enjoying a hobby she loves. Just bc she has experience doesn't make her the neighborhood special needs assistant. The other mother should understand THAT," u/DezrtBat exclaimed.
About the writer
Ashley Gale is a Newsweek reporter based in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Her focus is reporting on trends. She has covered trends, ... Read more