Mom Refusing to Cover Travel Expenses for Child Care Sparks Backlash Online

A mom has sparked a backlash online after questioning whether she should pay her childminder's travel expenses.

The woman posted on parenting website Mumsnet to ask for advice last Friday and has already received more than 300 replies.

The British mom used the handle @AdviceNeeded367 to upload her story to the "Am I being unreasonable?" thread. In the U.K., a childminder is a "professional carer" who is registered with the education inspectorate, Ofsted, and looks after kids in their own home. This is different than a nanny or babysitter, who provide care in the child's home.

The woman explained that the childminder had asked for an extra £10 ($13.19) per week last summer, "to help pay for activities" when looking after her son. Then, in December, the childminder asked for and was given a 27 percent pay rise.

Now, according to the mom, the childminder has asked for an extra 45p (59 cents) per mile for travel.

When asked for more details by Mumsnet users, the woman added that the December pay rise was in response to the "rising cost of living, her rent had gone up substantially etc. Today's request is in response to rising petrol costs."

The woman clarified that the childminder lives about 20 miles away and looks after the child, who has special educational needs, overnight from Friday until Sunday. The childminder is paid £310 ($409) for this period.

Several commenters pointed out that this was likely less than the U.K. minimum wage of £8.91 ($11.72) an hour.

Child care workers in the U.S. are paid an average of $12.88 an hour, according to Bureau of Labor Statistics figures for May 2020.

The bureau's list of states that pay the highest wages to child care workers was topped by the District of Columbia at $18.16 an hour. Vermont was second with $16.34, followed by California at $16.27, Washington at $16.02 and Massachusetts at $15.92.

The British mom asking for advice on travel expenses added that she couldn't take her son to and from the childminder's home herself because she doesn't drive.

She said: "Up until now, her hourly rate has included everything, which is one of the reasons why she wanted/needed the payrise. Which is why I don't want to also pay her petrol/travel on top now, because it was only a couple of months ago that she had a significant raise."

In response to comments suggesting that the childminder is underpaid—perhaps even illegally—the mom replied: "I don't agree that she's got a s*** deal as she's always set the rate and the terms. Now that she's asking for more money again only a couple of months later, I think [it] is too much."

She later wrote: "I was just very surprised today to get a message asking for a fuel allowance when it was only a couple of months ago that she increased her hourly rate in order to cover all of her costs.

"She calculated that an overall cost of £310 per weekend would cover expenses and her hourly rate. Just now, obviously the cost of living has continued to increase and she's asked for another rise which I was not expecting and do not want to pay."

The mom claims the increased rate for the weekend was worked out after the childminder decided to become self-employed.

She soon backtracked, however. The woman wrote: "Then a few weeks later when the changes were supposed to be put in place, she told me that she no longer wanted to be self employed and that I'd have to continue being her employer but that she still wanted the increased rate and there was no compromise to be had.

"And again, her message to me today was very formal and was not asking me but telling me that she'll be charging me 45p per mile from now on. She's just rubbed me up the wrong way with her demands I think."

Most commenters were convinced the mom should pay the expenses for gas, however.

VanillaSpiceCandle advised: "Because you've said you have no other issues with her, I'd say pay it. I don't think you'll find anyone else willing to look after a child with SEN all weekend and overnight for that price. If your child likes her and you like her, pay it."

Halllyup17 thought: "That's not even minimum wage! No wonder she's asking for more. You need to employ her legally, or you'll end up in trouble."

CeleriacOfTheNight pointed out: "If the role has evolved, then it's only fair that the pay does too."

Rainbowsit asked: "Where on earth would you manage to find a replacement for this child care if you refused her request? Seems like a setup that you would really struggle to replicate. Also you are not paying her enough."

BeHappy91818 wrote simply: "You are underpaying her massively!!"

Sirzy added: "It doesn't matter how often it is. You're not paying her fairly for what she is doing. Your choice seems simple - pay more or have no respite."

RedWingBoots said the cost of gas had "gone up loads in the last week let alone the last month. Either pay it or find someone else. And good luck with the last option."