Fiancé Angry at Partner for Telling Parents How Much He Earns Sparks Debate

Money can be a major source of contention in families and relationships. An engaged Reddit user has found herself in hot water with both her fiancé and her family but for very different reasons.

In her post, user RedBee7763 says her family is "very well educated and full of professionals including several doctors, surgeons, dentists, etc. I have a good career and make a good living."

She goes on to explain that she met their fiancé when he came to the house to supervise a roofing crew the insurance company had hired to replace a damaged roof. The original poster "instantly fell for him." After dating for some time and becoming "serious," the OP was shocked to discover that his self-made business put his earnings at "double that of my dad's. He said that few people know about his finances and he expects me to keep what I know to myself."

The OP said her family often ridicules her fiancé and believes he makes a low income. "It's gotten worse since we're planning our wedding and the other day my nerves just broke. Yesterday parents were trying to get me into getting a prenuptial then my dad said, "you have to protect your assets just in case tool boy decides to go slumming."

After losing it and "yelling" at their parents, the OP revealed her fiancé's true earnings. "My parents and family are mad at me for keeping secrets. My fiancé is mad at me for not keeping secrets. I'm stuck in the middle and don't know what to do," she wrote.

Thirty-five percent of people blame finances for the stress they experience in a relationship, according to a SunTrust Bank survey conducted by Harris Poll. Unlike this situation, though, it's usually a lack of money that causes problems.

Newsweek spoke to Chloe Carmichael, a clinical psychologist and author of Nervous Energy: Harness the Power of Your Anxiety and Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating, about the OP's dilemma.

"The parents were absolutely wrong to take a belittling attitude towards the fiancé over their belief that his income was low compared to theirs," she said. "On the other hand, him owning the construction company as well as a small real estate business reveals a lot about his drive and character. And him keeping all of that secret from his in-laws even at the point of engagement is a recipe for misunderstanding.

"[A] couple's primary obligation is to each other, so the OP was wrong to blurt out what he had asked to keep secret. But he should try to be compassionate, given that his fiancée was only trying to defend him the best way they knew how," Carmichael told Newsweek.

"Ideally, [she] could have talked to him in advance about reconsidering the decision to keep this information secret from the parents, since it was leading to such a great misunderstanding by parents who, from a most charitable viewpoint, were only trying to secure a comfortable future for their child and future grandchildren.

"Weddings can be stressful enough, and it seems like each person involved has some personal reflection to do," Carmichael continued. "So it is a good time for everyone to be compassionate with one another, take a charitable approach and restart with a sincere desire to make the best of things."

Users on Reddit's Am I the A****** page voted that the OP was one, but they still had sympathy for her.

"YTA. You love your fiancé, and of course it hurts when your parents make fun of him, but be honest, you didn't do this to defend him. You did it to defend yourself and your choice to marry him," said one user.

"Soft YTA. It's a constant frustration with your parents," said another. "You could have been vague and said something like a prenup would protect him more than you. But in the end, you should have made your family stop acting like bullying snobs."

Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work, and your story could be featured on WSID.