My Children Won't Forgive Me—What Should I Do?

Dear Newsweek, I'm a 42-year-old woman and have been married to my current husband who's 41, for almost eight years. In 2012, because of my poor life choices, my entire biological family quit having literally anything to do with me.

This included my three minor children, who were living with their dad at the time. It has now been over 11 years and the only family member who has spoken to me is my dad. We've developed a really great relationship and I feel incredibly lucky to have that.

Over the intervening time I've gone back to school. I've been gainfully employed, as has my husband whom my father is the only one who's met him. I've done a complete 180 from my old life.

I was alone for a long time and had to learn how to make decisions that weren't detrimental or destructive for my own mental and physical health. Now that I'm finally in a really good place, none of them are interested in any kind of reconciliation. I can understand their trepidation but I don't want anything from them except the opportunity to show them that I am not that same person.

My dad has encouraged all of them, my brother, sister, and my three kids who are now adults, to reconcile but his pleadings have not merely fallen on deaf ears, but my kids have now stopped speaking to him!

How, if ever, can I get them to listen or see me as I am now and not as who I was all those years ago? If I have to walk away then I will, but it's my family and those are my children. I can't just give up without a fight.

I need some advice and any offered would be incredible.

Kristin, Unknown

'Be Patient With Your Family'

Mairead Molloy is a relationship consultant and strategist from Ireland, who is now based in Cannes, France.

If someone's family stops speaking to them due to past poor lifestyle choices, it can be a difficult and painful situation to navigate. It is important to continue to acknowledge the mistakes you have made and to take responsibility for them. Showing genuine remorse and a commitment to personal growth and positive change is definitely a positive step in the right direction.

Staying focused on maintaining a healthy and positive lifestyle will show your loved ones that you are committed to making better choices and becoming a better person.

If appropriate, find a way to reach out to your family and express your remorse for the past. This could be through text messages, emails or cards. Share your efforts to improve your life and assure them that you are committed to making amends, but don't overdo it. You don't want to overwhelm them.

It is important to keep in mind that rebuilding trust takes time, so allow your family space to process their emotions and to heal from the past. Remain patient, practice empathy and continue to show consistent positive change.

It is ultimately up to your family to decide whether or not to reconnect with you, and while it may be difficult, focus on your own growth and well-being in the meantime. Surround yourself with a supportive network of friends and loved ones who can provide the understanding and love that you need, and hopefully in time, the wheel will turn.

If the situation feels overwhelming or if you are struggling to maintain a healthy lifestyle, consider seeking support through therapy or counseling. A professional can provide guidance and support during this challenging time. Prioritize taking care of yourself and keep a positive mind set and this will go a long way.

'Reach Out With the Intention of Reconciling'

Michael Adamse, Ph.D., is a licensed clinical psychologist with over 40 years of experience in dissecting issues surrounding relationships, mental health, and addiction. He is also an expert contributor to Drugwatch.com, a prescription drug advice website.

Once an individual has recognized behaviors which have been destructive to themselves and others, they need to work on changing the trajectory of their lives for the better.

If successful in making changes, and expressing remorse is not to the detriment of those who may have been psychologically injured in the past, then reaching out with the intent of reconciliation is appropriate. This is one of the guiding principles in recovery programs.

If a direct dialog isn't realistic due to the fact that no one will engage her, then a very well thought out letter is the best alternative, as it allows her family to digest her words without an immediate need to respond.

Words should be chosen carefully and a sincere apology for previous wrongdoings should be offered in the spirit of forgiveness. Engaging the help of a professional to moderate any discussion should be presented as an option.