My Date's Behavior Was So Gross I Had to Walk Out

I went on a terrible date recently.

We met on a popular dating app. I don't recall too much about his profile, but I only match with men who have something of substance written, have a career, and appear to be looking for something serious. So I know he had that at the very least.

But within five minutes of getting there, he was putting his hand on my knee, and he leaned in and tried to kiss me. I just gave him the cheek.

I was repulsed. I felt so uncomfortable. In hindsight, I should have just left right then.

He made several hyper-sexual comments about me. I remember he commented on boobs a few times; that he likes big boobs and was glad I have them. I understand most men probably think things like this on a date—but they never say it!

I kept thinking each thing he said would be the last comment like that because of my horrified reaction. But no, he kept on with this nasty behavior.

Finally, I had to say: "Listen. This isn't OK. We just met. I prefer a man who wants to get to know me and respect me. You need to stop touching me, trying to get close to me, making sexual comments about my body—it's not OK."

Instead of being a good guy and saying was sorry and thanking me for letting him know he was making me feel uncomfortable, he just became a sourpuss and so nasty for the rest of the night.

He pretended like I was the issue. He said I have intimacy problems. He also asked: "What do you bring to the table then?" Insinuating that if I'm not letting him touch or sexualize me, then what is my value to him?

The date lasted another 20 minutes or so before I excused myself. I thanked him for his time but let him know we weren't compatible and I had no desire to see him again—and then I just left.

He wanted me to come back to his place. He acted tough when I excused myself, like he didn't care. But he did—he texted me two minutes later.

After making a TikTok about this experience, I did an experiment. I downloaded a popular Los Angeles kink app. I was curious to see who was on there; who is trying to meet people by aligning on sexual preferences and desires so openly.

Well, as you can probably guess, he was on there—along with a few other men that I recognized from similar dating experiences.

I'm not saying that everyone on a kink app is like this man—grabby, inappropriate, overtly sexual—but my worst dates in LA all had profiles on the kink app. I think that says something.

I get a lot of negative comments from men on my TikTok videos about dating saying things like "what do you offer?" and "why should he pick you?"

But I had never met someone like that in person until this guy; someone who got all sour and nasty because he couldn't touch me anymore or comment on my boobs.

He asked me: "Why do you have walls up?"

I thought it should be obvious. I just don't know you. This is our first time going out and I don't want you to lean over and kiss me, and keep putting your hands all over me, and making these gross, disgusting comments.

If that's me having "walls up" then yeah—my walls are really thick and really high.

He asked me: "What do you even bring to men? If this is the way you are then what are you offering?"

It was a wow moment. This is the way these guys in my comments act in real life too. They are absolutely disgusting and horrible.

I'm honestly a little ashamed of myself that I didn't leave sooner. But I'm acknowledging that as a coaching note to myself for next time: Girl, get up and leave.

Of course, he texted me afterward. He said: "That was a great conversation."

I blocked him.

Annie Shaffer talks about fun, fashion and boys on her TikTok.

All views expressed are the author's own.

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