Fury Over Mom's Reaction to Neighbor Taking Kid to KFC, Not Pizza Express

A post about a parent who took a neighbor's daughter out for food at KFC after the child had a "tantrum" while they were at Pizza Express has generated debate on Mumsnet, the U.K.-based online forum.

In a post shared on Mumsnet's Am I Being Unreasonable (AIBU) subforum, user h2Oo said: "As a favor for a neighbor, I was taking her DD [dear daughter] to Pizza Express with my DD (her friend)...I did this as a favor so she could spend some time with her older DD for her birthday."

But when they got to the restaurant, part of the U.K. chain Pizza Express, "they announced they didn't have any pasta left. My friend's DD started crying and was really not happy. She said it's all pointless, and that she wants to go. So we did go. And I took them to KFC. They were happy with that," the poster said.

After the child was dropped off at home, the user received a text from the mom asking "why I said I'd be going Pizza Express when I just went to KFC."

Benefits of Being Neighborly

Having a good relationship with your neighbors, as the original poster was apparently trying to do, has been shown in studies to have numerous health and social benefits.

It can reduce stress and may even decrease the risk of heart attack, researchers from the University of Michigan said in 2014, in a study published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health.

Eric Kim, the lead author, said: "Good neighbors will check in on each other. Older adults are more likely to have a reason to get out of bed in the morning, get dressed—even small things like this increases physical functioning and the benefits add up."

He added: "People with higher neighborhood social cohesion might benefit from the support of neighbors, especially older adults, who might be getting support when they are sick, even just small things like providing transportation, picking up the mail or groceries. That would prevent worry and stress."

An August 2019 Pew Research Center survey reported that around two-thirds of Americans who "know at least some of their neighbors" (66 percent) would "feel comfortable asking to leave a set of keys with them for emergencies."

'Maybe She Was Embarrassed'

According to the Mumsnet poster, her neighbor said if she'd known her daughter was "only going for fast food" she would've taken her to the movies with her older child.

The user asked: "AIBU to be upset? Not even sure how to reply! I didn't and won't say her DD had a tantrum and that's why we didn't go.

"The problem wasn't the fast food. It was because KFC wasn't special enough and she wanted her DD to do something special so she didn't feel left out of the cinema trip," the poster added.

Kimberly King, a parenting expert and author of I Said No! and other children's books, told Newsweek: "With such a minor change to the plan, I don't think you needed to tell the other mom ahead of time.

"When a mom acts this way it is usually a reaction to something else going on in her life.... We never really know what stressors or circumstances people are faced with on a daily basis. This mom could have been upset or had a terrible day and that triggered her reaction," King said.

She added that the neighbor "probably already knows her child is difficult. Most kids tend to put on their best behavior when they are with other families or at playdates.

"Maybe she acted upset with the change because she figured her daughter already threw a fit. Perhaps the justification for the tantrum. Maybe she was embarrassed and in a preemptive defense mode," King said.

Not telling the neighbor about the tantrum was "probably the right thing to do," King said, because "I am sure she already knows her child has tantrums."

Users React

However, several users on Mumsnet believe the poster should have told the neighbor about the tantrum.

MelchiorsMistress asked: "Why wouldn't you tell her that it was her dd who had a tantrum leading to you going to kfc? She's asked, so you tell."

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza agreed, asking: "Why wouldn't you say that? Your daughter got upset because they didn't have any pasta so we had to go somewhere else. I certainly would tell her the reason why and I wouldn't be having her again either unless the mum apologised!"

HeddaGarbled said: "No need to be upset. Just answer the question. Explain why. Keep it short, factual and don't over-justify, nor feel any need to abase yourself."

In a later update, the original poster said: "I didn't want to grass on a 6 year old and start moaning that we had to go elsewhere because she was upset."

RedPost noted: "I don't know why it's 'grassing.' 6yo [year-old] got upset so you changed your plans. It's not awful that 6yo got upset when disappointed."

The original poster replied: "Yes that's very true. I have now texted to say her DD was disappointed there was no pasta. So I asked if they fancied KFC and we all agreed on it. Message done."

Newsweek was not able to verify the details of this case.

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Update 01/10/23, 7 a.m. ET: This article was updated with additional background information.