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Thousands of internet commenters rushed to the defense of one woman who became the target of her boyfriend's misogynistic friends at a recent gathering.
In a viral Reddit post published on r/AmITheA**hole, Redditor u/notAGoldDiggerX (otherwise referred to as the original poster, or OP) said she was forced to set the record straight after she was repeatedly accused of gold digging and dating her boyfriend for financial gain.
Titled, "[Am I the a**hole] for telling my boyfriend's friends I make twice what he does when they called me a gold digger and he didn't defend me?" the post has received nearly 18,000 votes and 2,200 comments in the last eight hours.
Explaining that both she and her boyfriend work in tech, the original poster said she makes $130,000 per year at a startup, while he makes $68,000 at a "more stable" company.
The original poster also said that at a recent party with her boyfriend's friends, who also work in tech, the couple's salaries were a main subject of discussion.
"He brought me to meet his friends at a party and they asked me about myself," OP wrote. "I told them I'm [a] hiker, I do archery, I love road trips and camping and riding dirtbikes."
"Basically talking about my hobbies because work is just a way to get paid to do the s**t I love," OP added.
After a short time, the original poster said she could feel that the new group of men thought she was poor, and that her boyfriend certainly made more money than she did. And as "everyone was getting drunker," the original poster said she was bombarded by misogynistic jokes and gold digging accusations.
"Some of his friends...were making jokes about me growing up in a trailer and being a gold digger," OP wrote. "[My boyfriend] didn't say anything. He later said it was because he'd smoked weed and gets quiet...but regardless I felt hurt he didn't say anything."
"I got irritated with his friends and asked 'Now why the hell would you say that when I make twice what he does?'" OP continued. "His friends went quiet for a second and I continued saying, 'There ain't no gold to dig here.'"
"My boyfriend wanted to leave the party...and he was pretty upset with me for telling everyone," OP added. "He said it was humiliating and now everyone thinks I'm a b**ch."
Large financial discrepancies between romantic partners often draw the ire of outside eyes and, because of outdated, gendered stereotypes, are frequently the subject of jokes laced with misogyny.
Gold digger, a label almost exclusively given to women in relationships with wealthy men, is the most common of these jeers, used so much that even WebMD features an entire page dedicated to gold digging and how to spot it.
"A gold digger is someone who pursues and forms a relationship with someone else for the sole purpose of using or taking that person's money and wealth," the page reads. "While anyone can be a gold digger, and the gender and age dynamic can vary, the stereotypical gold digger relationship is of a young woman who goes after an older, richer man."
The gold digger label, however, is rarely applied accurately and like described in the viral Reddit post, can spark major tension between romantic partners—especially when one partner simply lets it happen.
Last year, relationship experts told Bustle that when one partner fails to stand up for the other, the effects can be harmful and long lasting.
"Creating trust is the whole point of offering emotional/physical/intellectual spiritual support," Hanalei Vierra, a California marriage and family therapist told Bustle. "If this kind of support is missing in a relationship, trust will be compromised and the person slighted will feel alone.
"No one wants to feel abandoned by their partner during a difficult situation, and creating trust comes from proving, time and again, that you'll defend and support each other, no matter the situation," Bustle writer Laken Howard added.
Throughout the comment section of the viral Reddit post, Redditors echoed this sentiment and advised the original poster to consider exactly why her boyfriend allowed his friends to berate her until she unleashed the couple's salary information.
"[Not the a**hole]," Redditor u/zwergschnauzer wrote in the post's top comment, which has received nearly 29,000 votes.
"Your boyfriend was too high to say anything to support you but sober enough to complain when you rightly called him and his rude mates out," they continued, adding a slew of red flag emoji.
Redditor u/Exotic-Carpet255, whose comment has received nearly 10,000 votes, offered a similar response.
"[It's] ok for her to be humiliated, but not him?!" they questioned, exasperatedly.
"Why would it even be humiliating if your girlfriend makes more than you? It just is what it is!" Redditor u/Snackgirl_Currywurst chimed in, receiving more than 5,500 votes. This is bulls**t on so many levels."
In a separate comment, which has received more than 6,000 votes, Redditor u/TCTX73 quickly shifted focus before continuing to pile onto the original poster's boyfriend.
"His friends sounds like those dudes that whine that they can't get [girlfriends]...but then are complete misogynists," they wrote. "[Boyfriend] got his ego bruised that you let it be known you out-earn him."
"He'll get over it or he's stuck in the patriarchal ideal that the man is supposed to be the main breadwinner," they added.
Newsweek reached out to u/notAGoldDiggerX for comment.
About the writer
Taylor McCloud is a Newsweek staff writer based in California. His focus is reporting on trending and viral topics. Taylor ... Read more