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While growing up, I lived a quite sheltered lifestyle. It was just my brother, my parents, and I in our household. When I was younger, a lot of my friends had boyfriends but I was a late bloomer, and I got into my first serious relationship when I was 19.
Prior to that, when I was 18, I moved to France and I lived next to a swingers resort. I didn't really know what it was but I heard about it before and thought that it sounded fun. I didn't actually explore it until 10 years later, when I was 28.
That's when I had my first swingers experience with three married couples and it changed my life. It was a fun, playful experience and it definitely opened my eyes, allowing me to think about life outside of monogamy. But that wasn't all—I also met the love of my life.
Meeting the love of my life
Up until the age of 28, my relationships were all monogamous. I didn't learn about monogamy in school; it was just all that I was surrounded by. That all changed when I Met Rob at a swingers club in Gold Coast, Australia, in September 2021.
I used to be a kindergarten teacher and that night, I was with some of the children's parents. I was supposed to be babysitting, but I thought that going for a night out would be better for all of us. That's when I ended up meeting Rob at the swingers club.
When I saw Rob for the first time, we said hello to each other and stayed with our friends separately, but as the night went on, he asked the girl that he was with: "Where's Katy?" At that point, though, I was getting ready to leave the club. A few weeks later, he found me on social media and we began talking.
I knew that it was love at first sight from the moment that I saw Rob because he allowed me to go on a deep, internal self-development journey in order to learn what I wanted in relationships for myself, rather than what society showed me.
For our first date, Rob and I went on a hot air balloon and a few days later, we hung out at the beach. At the end of that week, I called my best friend and said: "I'm going to marry this guy." We had so much depth and connection in the relationship because we were both so open-minded.
Getting engaged after six weeks
Six weeks after meeting Rob, in October 2021, he proposed to me on my birthday at a Cali Beach club. There were roughly 60 of our friends and family present. A host took me to the center of the beach club and there was a flash mob. I was really amazed; all of the dancers split and Rob walked down the middle in his tuxedo, he got to one knee and proposed. Of course, I said yes!
I wasn't shocked by Rob's proposal. He took me ring shopping with him, to get an idea of what I liked. It was really nice because he wanted me to have something that I would really appreciate.
Knowing that Rob felt the same about me, and wanted to marry me straight away, made me feel beautiful and energetic. It also felt empowering to know that I have such a deep soulful connection with someone.
Our wedding day
Four months later, we decided to elope. Because of travel restrictions, my family in the U.K. were unable to attend our wedding and we didn't only want half of our friends and family to experience the day. So, we decided to save the moment for the two of us.
All of our friends and family were really happy for us. We have a lot of mutual friends so when they realized that we were together and that we had gotten married, they thought, "Why didn't this happen sooner?"
Opening our marriage to other people
Being bisexual meant that I wanted to explore what I liked in the intimate part of my marriage to Rob and that's why I wanted to bring a female into the sexual part of our relationship.
It was a relief to be able to have that conversation with Rob because I had never really been in a relationship where I could be open and honest. After my self-development journey, I was in a place where I was openly able to say that I was bisexual and that I'd like to include a female in the marriage for a short period of time.
So, when I did have that conversation with Rob, he was open to the idea. He understood where I was coming from and he was also proud that I actually tapped into my desires and what I wanted, and that I could speak about that, too.
I know that Rob and I are soulmates and that we are connected. So, to better ourselves, I thought, why not bring that female energy in too, so we could have the best of both worlds?
Because Rob and I are open with one another, there's no need for cheating in our relationship. Rob and I chose to be together, so any sexual experience that we have will be together because we do this to see each other being happy and joyful and playful.
When Rob and I choose to have kids, that will probably be a time in our life when we will be monogamous because we would want to share that intimate part of our life with each other alone. Ideally, this may happen in a few years. But because we're both sex coaches, our goal is to continue to travel around the world to host retreats and events.
I became a sex coach in 2022 because of my own experience with relationships as a female. Growing up, I felt that I didn't have the tools to communicate what I desired in the bedroom and I also felt a little used in the past.
That's why I so strongly and passionately want to give females a voice. I do that through breathwork and sensuality. I feel that when we worry, our minds can take over and can limit us, so, I use breathwork as a way of connecting to my body and identifying how I really feel.
This has helped my marriage because it's allowed me to have a voice and to speak my truth. The message to my younger self would always be to stay in tune with who you are, to stay in your own lane, and be who you are, truthfully to yourself.
Katy Skeats-Jones is a sensuality coach and specializes in breathwork. You can find out more about her here.
All views expressed in this article are the author's own.
As told to Newsweek associate editor, Carine Harb.
