Parent Leaves Internet Divided for 'Ignoring' Son: 'Teaching a Lesson'

A father divided commenters for revealing he is ignoring his teenage son after he began only referring to him by his first name.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/DramaticShame6177, posted about his situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" where it received nearly 6,000 upvotes and 2,400 comments. The post can be found here.

Parenting and Titles

As clinical psychologist John Duffy told The Wall Street Journal, children and teenagers often refer to their parents by their first name to test the power dynamics within the family.

"It's a bit like using a curse word for the first time, or starting to drink coffee," Duffy said.

Others refer to their parents by their first name rather than "mom" or "dad" as a way to feel more like a friend rather than a child. But while some parents may take this as their children feeling trusting, others feel that it takes away a level of respect.

Experts recommend that parents who do not want to be referred to as their first name try to explain the reason and help their child understand their perspective. But others say it is just best to leave the situation alone as many children and teens grow out of the "phase."

According to Madeline Levine—a therapist specializing in teenagers—there has been a shift in children referring to their parents by name.

She told WSJ the shift is most likely due to an increase in passive parenting which allows kids to test the boundaries of their family dynamics.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for ignoring my son when he calls me by my name," the OP said his 15-year-old son has started to call him by his first name rather than dad.

"When he first did it I asked him why and his answer was simply that it's my name and what everyone else calls me so he should too," the post read. "I tried to dig deeper but that's really all it is. I told him I'm his father and I deserve the respect of being called Dad by him."

But even after the conversation, the man said his son has not changed. Instead, the OP said he started ignoring his son when he called his name.

"Last night at dinner I was talking to my wife and he asked if I could pass some pasta to him and I just kept talking to my wife," the post read. "He kept trying to talk to me using my name and I just ignored him the whole dinner."

After dinner, the OP's wife said he was being "childish" and should "indulge" their son until the "phase is over."

But the OP said that although his wife is okay being called by her first name, he is not.

"He can call me Dad or he gets ignored," the post read. "AITA? I feel like maybe I'm descending down to his level but at the same time I think it's a relatively harmless way to set a boundary and teach a lesson."

Redditor Reactions

More than 2,400 users commented on the post, many divided about whether or not the OP was wrong for ignoring his son.

"A key part of parenting is teaching your kids boundaries," one user said receiving more than 14,000 upvotes. "What you want to be called and how you want to be addressed is one of them. His mother is okay with it so he can call her by name. His father, isn't. So yeah there's a lesson in there for the kid."

"Honestly, it seems like you're being an AH about it b/c it could just be a phase, but you could lighten up a little bit about it," another user said.

"Just because rebellious behavior is NORMAL does not make it ACCEPTABLE," another user said. "The son still needs to learn boundaries and respect."

"A bit of advice—do not frame this as a 'respect' issue, but rather that is what you prefer, and it hurts you to not have him refer to you by your desired form of address," another said. "Framing this as a power struggle is unlikely to have anyone feel good. What is the lesson you want to teach? Is your plan an effective way to teach it?"

"I'm in utter disbelief over the amount of people in here who don't understand the concept of having respect for their parents," another wrote. "I've always been taught that my parents should be referred to as mom and dad. It's not a difficult concept to grasp. NTA"

Newsweek reached out to u/DramaticShame6177 for comment.

Other Viral Posts

In other viral posts from Reddit's "Am I The A**hole" forum, a teen was praised for refusing to babysit her little brother and another was backed for asking his stepdad to pay rent.

In another post, a parent divided users after letting his son call his best friend "dad."