Parents Criticized for Not Including Son on Family Trips: 'Get Over It'

Commenters slammed a couple for taking their biological daughter on trips and not inviting their adopted son who is 16 years older.

The Original Poster (OP), known as u/throwaway582577, posted about the situation in Reddit's popular "Am I The A**hole" forum where it received more than 5,400 upvotes and 1,700 comments. The post can be found here.

Siblings and Age Gaps

The average age gap between children in America is between 2 and 2-and-a-half years apart, according to the Centers for Disease Control.

While it is common for siblings to have small age gaps, about 5 percent of siblings have an age difference of up to 10 years.

As psychotherapist Niro Feliciano told Parents.com, birth order not only affects an individual's personality but also the way they parent.

Often referred to as "the guinea pig," the oldest child is often subjected to higher expectations and various trial and error techniques as parents learn.

Experts have also found that oldest children may feel resentment towards their youngest siblings since older children often face more responsibility. They may also feel resentful towards their parents if their younger sibling receives more opportunities than they did growing up.

'AITA?'

In the post titled "AITA for telling my son to get over it?" the OP said he and his wife decided to adopt a 12-year-old boy named Jared after they were unable to get pregnant.

He explained that they weren't in a good financial position but "tried to do our best" before having their daughter Jada four years later.

After receiving a new job, the OP said he was able to provide a "very comfortable life" for his daughter Jada.

"I admit that as Jared was our first child we had no idea how to be parents," the post read. "We were more strict like early curfews, being a little overprotective and things like that but with Jada we had more experience and didn't make those mistakes."

The OP said Jared, 30, complains that it is "unfair" that Jada, 14, "has a better life." He and his wife apologized and told Jared that "things were different back then."

'Get Over It'

Recently, Jared was at the OP's house and Jada started telling him about her boyfriend. He replied that he wasn't allowed to date at her age.

"Then she told him about our trip and he told me 'you take her to trips? You never treated me like this. Guess we know who your favorite is,'" the post read. "I just got mad and told him 'can't you just be happy for your sister? Stop acting like a kid you are 30. Yes I couldn't afford trips back then just get over it.'"

Jared then called the OP an a**hole before leaving the house. Jada said Jared was being childish, but the OP's wife said he should apologize to Jared.

In an update, the OP said he spoke to Jared and invited him on a trip with the family, but Jared said he doesn't want to because he can go on trips alone and that he wanted to go as a kid.

"I asked him what he wants me to do now because I can't change his childhood and he said he wants me to leave him alone so I'll be doing that," the update read. "He is my son but he is an adult and I can't do anything to help him if he doesn't want to be helped."

Redditor Reactions

More than 1,700 users commented on the post, many criticizing the OP for telling his son to "get over it."

"YTA. Why didn't you include him in this trip?" one user said, receiving more than 13,500 upvotes. "You need to be more sensitive to your older son's feelings instead of calling him names and telling him to get over it. Sounds like you definitely favor your bio daughter over your adopted son, and he knows it."

"Soft YTA. 'Just get over it' has 'Man Up' vibes," one user said. "Remind him that you choose him, maybe arrange some stuff for you to do with him. Yes your circumstances have changed, yes you can give your daughter the life you want to, Doesn't stop your son feeling the way he feels."

"YTA. You shouldn't have adopted a kid when you were in a bad financial position," another said. "And you should have read some parenting books or something. You don't just get to adopt a kid and then toss him out like a practice pancake."

"Just because you didn't have the money then doesn't mean you shouldn't make an attempt to treat him equally now," another user said. "I completely understand where he's coming from...seeing the younger sibling get spoiled after being raised by strict, financially struggling parents sucks. It's not his fault you weren't ready to be parents. You do owe him an apology... and probably a lot of money for the therapy he needs."

Newsweek reached out to u/throwaway582577 for comment.

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